How to Fight Like a Grown-Up with Your Husband

by Erika Torres

Come home and have him not greet you with a hug and a kiss as you greet him when he gets home from work.

Start cooking dinner, have him read off his practice answers for his job interview. Interrupt him to give him a suggestion on how to make it better. Have him roll his eyes, say that’s not the direction he wants to go in. Get angry that he’s giving you attitude. Tell him so.

Have him get angry too that you wouldn’t let him finish his entire answer before you started butting in with suggestions. Yell, “Fine, just read the whole thing then and I’ll shut up!” He says yells “Forget it!” Continue cooking dinner in silence.

Realize you’re out of milk and need it to finish making this recipe for dinner. Put your shoes on to go to the store and ask him if he’s going to stop being grumpy. He retorts that you’re the one being grumpy. Words are exchanged.

You grab the dog and head out the door. He asks where you’re going. Yell back “Why do you care?”

Go to the grocery store. Buy milk. Come back home and pass each other as he leaves in his car. Avoid eye contact.

Get back inside the house and realize your potatoes are missing. He hid my potatoes! Finish making dinner without potatoes. Watch Teen Mom while eating dinner.

You hear your phone vibrate. But you can’t find it. It’s not in your purse, it’s not in the kitchen. Clean out your purse, clean out the kitchen, search in the cabinets, in the closet, in the bathroom. He hid my phone!

Think of ways to get back at him. Think of ripping out the plants in his makeshift garden. Reconsider after realizing it would be a waste of money.

Lock the door with the padlock so he can’t get back in. Go to bed angry . Promise yourself that you are not going to let him off easy this time. Puppy dog eyes will not sway you, nor apologetic texts. You want him to get on his knees and beg for forgiveness. You were just trying to help after all. This is not your fault, no way.

Hear a knock at the door. Get out of bed, open the padlock. Avoid eye contact. Get back in bed. Move your foot away so it doesn’t touch his foot. When you wake up in the middle of the night, move your foot again.

Wake up in the morning for bootcamp. See your phone on the kitchen counter. Curse him for hiding your phone. Make lots of noise to wake him up. Slam the door on your way out. After bootcamp, check your phone to see if he’s texted you. It doesn’t matter, you’re going to ignore his texts anyway but you want to make sure that he’s feeling sorry.

Get to work, still no text. Jerk.

20 minutes later, receive text from him. “I’m sorry about last night. I love you.”

Smile. It’s about time. Realize you can never stay mad at him. Text back: “ I hate that I can never stay mad at you.”

Lovey dovey texts are exchanged. He admits he hid the phone. You admit you almost destroyed his beloved garden. Plan to have dinner with his parents.

Go on with your day as normal, counting down the minutes till you can see him again.


Jenn S. March 30, 2011 - 9:35 am

I love this post. So real and full of love.

Meagan March 23, 2011 - 8:31 pm

I laughed when I read this because it’s so familiar! My husband and I fight like that ALL the time. It’s extremely childish in the moment, but funny once you look back at the fact that you both played “dirty” to get back at each other. =)

nysoonergirl March 21, 2011 - 8:28 am

Hahaha! You just totally described Saturday night with HS Marine… Only when I tried to tell him to just go/leave already, I ended up telling him to “Just GLOW then!” Somehow telling him to glow didn’t have the same effect.

Lindy Mint March 19, 2011 - 9:32 pm

Why is it so hard to stay mad at them? Seriously, I start getting over it in like 5 minutes now, no matter how much I want to really make my anger last this time.

At least you got to watch Teen Mom. 🙂

Shannon March 19, 2011 - 8:48 am

Oh my god you guys crack me up….Love it.

Akirah March 18, 2011 - 1:18 pm

Cute. Do you think you will guy’s will talk more about it and make sure you’re both on the same page about why you got on each other’s nerves? Maybe it’s obvious, but it still seems like a good learning experience. I mean, I’m not married…likely never will be…but I remember what it was like being in a serious relationship. Some fights required talks, others didn’t.

Also, just read this:

Thisbrokenhearthashope March 18, 2011 - 10:56 am

I couldn’t help but laugh at this. So cute! I’m glad you made up. Most things in life are not worth staying mad about. Funny what we learn as we grow older.

jobo March 18, 2011 - 9:59 am

Aww! poor thing. Glad you two kissed and made up though. You two are so frickin cute.

Maggie March 18, 2011 - 7:20 am

haha sorry but this is really funny. hiding your phone is one thing…but your potatoes? now thats just mean :0)

Teacher Girl March 18, 2011 - 7:16 am

You two fighting is cute. So different from how my own parents used to (actually, and still do) fight. I hope that one day if I get married I fight like you two.

The Coach's Wife March 18, 2011 - 7:09 am

He hid your phone??? Ok, that is kinda funny… I would be so pissed too though! And I’m just like you.. when we fight I check my phone and email like crazy, waiting for a sweet note from him but think the whole time “I’ll ignore him though, show him…” 🙂

Serena March 18, 2011 - 6:58 am

Oh yes! I agree with New House on the Blog- where were the pototoes?? And how do you hide a sack of potatoes anyway…?!

It’s nice (um, I think?) to see another couple act all crazy like we do when we have our fights. I also use the deadbolt for “getting even” if he leaves, but I always cave!

Jennifer March 18, 2011 - 6:55 am

I can relate to this, girl!

Kim March 18, 2011 - 6:24 am

Sounds like us! It’s tough living in a small space too, can’t retreat to your own corners. I do the deadbolt locking when I’m mad too, but then I feel bad and let him in.

brandt @ NewHouseOnTheBlog March 18, 2011 - 5:19 am

There is so much truth in this, it’s amazing.

But you didn’t answer one of the key questions! Did he hide the potatoes, or not?


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