People Will Be A**holes
I think that 90% of people are good well-mannered people, but it is the other 10% that is comprised of ultimate douches that make you question your belief in humanity.
When you are visibly pregnant, people will suddenly feel like your looks are an acceptable topic of conversation. While it would never be okay to tell the person in front of you in the grocery line that they are huge and do they really need that box of ice cream bars, for some reason, if you’re pregnant, it is perfectly acceptable.
This past week, I had a co-worker (not even a stranger, mind you) tell me that I have gotten huge, that I am going to have a big baby, and wanted to know if my doctor was okay with my weight gain. It was the second time that week that someone had pointed out my weight.
I was so in shock, I had no idea how to respond. I meekly smiled and said “yes” and then ran to HR five minutes later and sobbed my eyes out.
It was the way she said it–“you look so uncomfortable! you have gotten SO big…you’re just so big now. You’re going to have a HUGE baby (*smiles really wide*), is your doctor okay with how much weight you’ve gained?” As if she–the woman who looks like Mrs. Roper from Three’s Company and has the hairstyle to match– should be commenting AT ALL about what I look like. I’m 7 months pregnant, bitch, what’s your excuse?
I am currently 28 weeks pregnant, I have 12 weeks left to go. My doctor has been perfectly okay with my weight gain, especially since it has been steady weight gain throughout my entire pregnancy.
I am 5’7 and have always been a curvy girl with boobs and a butt. I am never going to look like Giselle Bündchen pregnant. My boobs have exploded to the point where Eric calls me his African princess.
Despite all this– In what world is it okay to comment on someone’s weight to their face? Why is it okay when someone is pregnant? In fact, that is the worst time to say anything about a person’s weight. We are already super hormonal as it is, we feel like we have no control over our body, and trust me, we are much harsher judges on ourselves over our physical appearance than you could ever be. So for you to just point out our weight when we are already feeling extremely vulnerable– I have four words for you: F*ck you very much.
For the most part, everyone has been wonderful. I do get a lot of “you look amazing!” “you’re glowing!” “you look so great, mama!” comments that it really helps to overlook those mean bastards that try and cut you to your core with their insensitivity.
You Will Lose Control
Now that I’ve approached my third trimester, I really feel like I’m losing control of everything. And I do mean, everything.
Today, I peed my underwear for the first time. I just couldn’t make it to the bathroom fast enough. Oops.
I threw up twice this past week due to severe dizziness that lasted several days. Try going to work while you feel like you’re on the never-ending Tea Cup Ride at Disneyland.
I can no longer put on underwear or pants without looking like I’m trying to complete an Olympic obstacle course. Bending forward has proved impossible so I am still mastering a maneuver that involves frog legs, grunting, and squirming on the bed, which somehow still manages to leave you breathless enough that it sounds like you just ran a marathon.
For the most part, I have been emotionally stable, but when something (or someone — see above) upsets me, I know that I will lose control and start sobbing uncontrollably.
You Will Freak Out
As the 12-week countdown begins, I am starting to freak out with the realization that Eric and I will be parents in approximately three months.
I. Can’t. Do. This.
I have too many things that I still need to do that I feel like I don’t have enough time for. Life insurance, nursery, living trust, cleaning, preparing, sleeping in, going to all those restaurants we want to go to before the baby comes…
You Will Be Amazed
Despite everything–all the horror, the surprises, and the insensitive a**holes of the world–you will still be absolutely amazed at everything that is happening.
I never thought that I could feel so many emotions at once. I am super excited for the future, completely in awe of my body’s ability, and scared shitless all at the same time.
It’s like being a little kid and being told that Santa Claus is coming to your house tomorrow to take you to Disneyland but it’s going to take you nine months to get there and you have to carry a bowling ball on your bladder while riding a burro through the Sahara Dessert in the middle of an earthquake in order to get there.
So Many Conflicting Emotions!
My favorite moments have been the evenings when I’m laying still and the baby starts to kick and squirm and I’m like “what the heck is going on down there?!” And when Eric touches my belly, I love seeing the little kid excitement on his face.
Pregnancy has not been the easy hair-blowing-in-the-breeze journey I thought it was going to be. But I am very much looking forward to meeting our little guy or girl in November.
I’m also scared sh*tless, but more excited.
Or maybe more scared.
I can’t decide.