It’s Okay to Be a Man & Talk about Domestic Violence

by Erika Torres


This is a compensated campaign in collaboration with Allstate Foundation® and Latina Bloggers Connect. 

Today’s post is brought to you by my better half, Eric. 

Did you know that domestic violence affects 1 in 4 women in her lifetime? That’s more women than breast cancer, ovarian cancer and lung cancer combined.

With the recent brouhaha regarding Ray Rice knocking out his wife in a hotel elevator, domestic violence has come to the forefront of the American conversation.

It’s kind of nuts, really, because the NFL is supposed to showcase these manly men doing guy things–what kind of man doesn’t dream of getting paid millions of dollars to play football?? And yet, hitting your wife, or any woman for that matter, is one of the lowest things and un-manly things you could possibly do.

It takes a real man to say no to domestic violence.

The Allstate Foundation Purple Purse aims to make it fashionable to talk about this very difficult topic. Kerry Washington, Scandal star and one of my wife’s favorite celebrities (and she has a lot!), is serving as a Purple Purse ambassador to help raise awareness for the cause and has designed a limited-edition purple purse.

You can also turn any purse into a Purple Purse by opening your heart and wallet. The Allstate Foundation is widely distributing Purple Purse charms so you can show your support and attach to your favorite bag year round. They are being distributed with inspiring survivor stories through Purple Purse Challenge participants and Allstate agency owners.

More than $500,000 has been raised on the site so far, and Allstate is doing their part by donating more than half a million dollars to the Purple Purse Challenge, where the money goes directly to nonprofits in your community that help domestic violence survivors.

And domestic violence doesn’t just mean physical abuse. Financial abuse happens in 98% of all cases of domestic violence and is one of the most powerful ways to keep a victim trapped. How are women supposed to flee when their sole source of support is dependent on their spouse?

In fact, the number one reason domestic violence survivors stay or return to an abusive relationship is because they don’t have the financial resources to break free. has important tips and tools to help you recognize domestic violence and financial abuse.

If you or someone you know needs immediate help, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE

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Andrew June 14, 2016 - 11:37 am

I will not have any respect for organizations that purport to care about domestic violence unless they care about ALL domestic violence. Most of the domestic violence victims I know are men, yet nobody seems to care. Men are insulted and belittled for being domestic violence victims. Often, male domestic violence victims escape only by giving up custody of their kids and paying child support. Very few women are prosecuted for domestic violence because of sexist prejudice that ASSumes that all women are nice and sweet. Very few violent females are held accountable by being sentenced to jail. Women commit domestic violence on TV, and a laugh-track is played. Women commit domestic violence during movies, and cheers erupt from the crowd. It is disgusting. If a man accidentally makes contact with a woman who is abusing him, he will be hauled off to jail and stay locked up for years. My ex tried to stab me to death with a butchers knife in front of our small children and only got probation. After several more years of abuse the police arrested her again for domestic violence and I was denied a Protection Order because the female prosecutors did not feel like I needed it. PurplePurse is a disgrace because it deliberately ignores male victims of domestic violence. Any politician that talks about domestic violence, yet chooses not to discuss the blatant head-in-the-sand delusion regarding the truth behind the modern violent American female has a special place in hell waiting for them. Anyone who does not realize that women commit domestic violence as much, if not more, than men in America are deeply delusional.

Stephanie September 18, 2014 - 8:51 pm

While I applaud you for making a post on domestic violence, is it necessary to get paid to promote it? Can’t you do that all in your own without taking money to do it? The post says that readers can donate (open our purse) but then they spend money paying bloggers to write about it? I don’t understand why they can’t just donate the money and ask bloggers to donate their time and write a blog post they believe in.

I like your blog but I am disappointed in you being compensated for a charity post that you say you believe in. I understand you want to make money doing side hustles, but if you believe in standing up to domestic violence, can’t you just post about the project without getting compensated?

newlywedsonabudget September 19, 2014 - 9:40 am

Very good point Stephanie and I understand where you’re coming from. To be fair, I had not heard about this particular organization until they approached me, but it is a cause that I fully support. The purpose of this campaign is to raise awareness and I believe Allstate is/was trying to reach their target demographic by getting bloggers involved, especially those of minority descent.
There are many instances in which charities need to use money to promote their organizations and raise funds. Charities and nonprofits spend thousands, millions on hosting galas and fund raisers. Would it not make more sense to just donate this money directly to the organization? But they don’t do that and there is lots of research that shows how these campaigns work and why you need to spend money to make money. I personally support when companies choose to work with bloggers and help out the smaller person rather than give all funding to big corporations and advertising agencies.
That being said, Eric and I do give consistently to charities we support, including locally through our church, and nationally through the semper fi fund.
I understand you may still feel strongly about not being compensated for raising awareness about this issue, and everyone is entitled to their opinion (in fact, thank you for making such an eloquent argument and not resorting to name calling). But I did want to shed light as to why we chose to do this sponsored post.
I always think its a little unfair when people are judged for how they choose to earn money, but I understand some feel strongly about blog revenue.


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