Getting Back With Your Ex Husband After a Divorce 

by Susan Paige
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Depending upon their perspective and circumstances, different people undergo different experiences of divorce. Painting all divorces with the same brush of misery would be disingenuous, as many couples do manage to see the end of their marriage as the start of a new beginning and are able to derive a sense of freedom through a divorce.

However, divorce can also bring immeasurable pain and suffering for those who unwillingly go through the process and are still very much in love with their former partner. The burden of existence may start to feel unbearable without the person whom they trusted for so long. People experiencing these emotions can feel a strong desire to rekindle their relationship with ex after divorce.

This is an understandable desire. It is perfectly normal for you to experience an emotion of longing for your ex-husband. However, it is one thing to miss your ex and your old life with them, but a completely different ball game to pursue that feeling with a determination to win over your ex once again. You will have to put in an enormous amount of effort and gather the courage and willingness to admit your own mishaps in the past. If you are ready to do all that, then you are probably in the right mindset to follow the roadmap provided below. 

These tips will guide you on how you should go about doing things so that dating your ex-husband could become a real possibility for you. The following tips will teach you how to get your ex-husband back after divorce, to put your life once again on track.


Do it for the right reasons

The first and most important thing for you to do is to figure out whether you are doing it for the right reasons or not. Because your chances of succeeding in establishing a relationship with ex after divorce, depends upon why you want to get back together with him in the first place. 

There are numerous reasons that you might feel are completely legitimate to make an effort at dating your ex-husband, but you couldn’t be more wrong. For instance, if you are feeling isolated or lonely, or thinking that you might not be able to find someone better than your husband, that is not a good reason to pursue a relationship with your ex after divorce. Feeling dependent or missing the physical and financial comfort that came with the relationship, are also not very healthy reasons to pursue remarriage.


Take the leap of faith with Love

If you are motivated by genuine love and care for your ex-husband, that is more likely to serve as a strong foundation for you to start over and rebuild your relationship with your ex-husband. It may very well be that your divorce had more to do with circumstances, than any actual relationship issues. For instance, you or your ex-spouse had to live away from each other for long periods because of professional reasons, which created a rift between you two. Or perhaps you were too young and not fully capable of handling the responsibilities that marriage threw at you. If your grievances with each other were more because of how you were unsatisfied with your professional life, or any other such external factor, and internally you both still get along well, then the probability of you succeeding in reconnecting with your spouse and making things work are much higher. 

Difficulties, such as professional dissatisfaction and financial distress, often hamper couples from expressing their love and affection for one another, causing a marriage to fall apart. Hence, if you believe that the situation forced your hand and that you could work your way through previous misunderstandings then you should definitely try dealing with your ex-husband after divorce and pursue reconciliation.


Regain your individuality, inner strength, and confidence

According to a study reviewing people who had recently experienced a break-up, those who confronted and dealt with their emotional and psychological discord, openly and honestly, were able to heal and cope well over time. It is clear that underlying personal and psychological issues, if left unattended for a long time, can have a disastrous impact on a marriage. Hence, the first order of business is to take care of your own mental and emotional well being, before you start picking up the pieces of your old marriage or thinking about starting anew with your ex-husband. 

Simply put, you have to make yourself whole again before you seek to reconcile with your better half. This means you have to find your sense of self and chart out a course for your life that would work well even if your attempts at reconciliation with your ex fail. Putting life together without your ex-husband is likely to be a very difficult endeavor. However, it is your best chance to build an honest and strong relationship with your ex-husband after divorce that will persevere instead of falling apart like a house of cards, in the face of adversity.

This will help you convince yourself that you are a person worthy of a happy and healthy relationship, and of being loved and cherished. The only way to do that is to acknowledge your own flaws and weaknesses, but at the same time recognize the amazing qualities that make you capable of making others happy in a relationship. This self-confidence will help you regain not just your identity and control over your life, but also open a path of communication with your ex that is free of past baggage, hurt, disappointment, and grudges.


Open communication

Once you are mentally and emotionally in a better place, you have to start a channel of communication with your ex-husband. When dealing with an ex-husband after divorce, communication is probably the most important factor for you to focus on. It is critical that, while trying to work things out, you absolutely refrain from indulging in any sort of blame game. Rubbing salt in past wounds won’t do any good. Your conversations with your spouse should be founded on self-reflection and soul-searching. Your aim should not be to look for excuses to relieve you from the burden of responsibility. You do have to come to terms with the fact that your marriage failed, and that you are, up to a certain extent, responsible for its failure. 

This realization will make you more aware of the mistakes that you made in the past, especially concerning communication. Allow this new awareness to guide you towards future conversations with humility and a sense of honesty in your thoughts, opinions, and feelings. A communication of this sort will help you develop a better understanding of where your ex stands and what his grievances are. Listening is key. By listening with an open mind about what your ex has to say, it will give you a fascinating new insight into what he felt went wrong in your marriage. This is the information you need to make amends with your ex and improve yourself so that you can build a better, stronger relationship with ex after divorce.


Resolve root problems through forgiveness

Yes, it is indeed important to find your way to the root cause of your marital discord, after all, you have to arrive at the problem in order to solve it. However, you must always remember that humans are imperfect and therefore, human relationships are ought to be imperfect as well. Quite often relationships are messy because people make mistakes and sometimes there are no easy solutions to be found. Our actions have consequences, and we have no option but to live with them for the rest of our lives, which is what happens in the case of divorces that occur because of infidelity. The only recourse to ever getting around solving such issues is to either forgive or to ask for forgiveness. If you want to begin a new life and start dating your ex-husband, you have to let go of grudges and resentment and learn to forgive as well as ask for forgiveness for things that happened in the past.


Prove to you ex-spouse that you have changed

What will ultimately decide the success and failure of your attempt to get back together with your ex after a divorce, is your ability to convince your ex that you are capable of changing and that you are open to compromise on things that you were not willing to do when you were married. It will take a tremendous effort on your part, not just to convince your ex, but also to sincerely work towards changing your habits and attitude. The only way you will be able to forge a new path forward is to prove that you have evolved and that you are willing to go the extra mile to stop yourself from making the same mistakes. It is tricky to get rid of old habits. As humans, we easily get complacent towards things that are right in front of our eyes and start taking them for granted. It takes diligence, on a regular basis, to stop yourself from falling back on those behavior patterns that led to the divorce in the first place.


Take your time, do not rush into remarriage

Spend some time dating your ex-husband before rushing into remarriage. It is crucial that you take your time and learn about each other to make sure neither of you is still hurting or carrying around emotional baggage from the past. You should make sure that everything about your previous marriage and the hardships of divorce is given its due time to heal before you re-enter into a long term commitment.


Like everything else in life, relationships require care, attention, and effort to succeed. Both of you have to do your part in keeping your marriage afloat. Make sure you are willing to put in the effort without unnecessarily burdening your partner with unrealistic expectations. Keep your feet on the ground, and you will find that it is still possible to create a beautiful, trustworthy, and long-lasting relationship with an ex after divorce.

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