Premarital counseling often touches on money management strategies for couples, but doesn’t go deep enough. There are many shocking truths about combining your finances that your counselor probably didn’t mention. For example, money can bring buried financial trauma and power dynamics to the surface, potentially creating marital discord. From financial infidelity to income disparities, here’s an honest rundown of the money-related challenges you and your spouse may face as newlyweds and beyond.
1. You Might Be on the Hook for Their Debt
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Even if you try to keep your finances separate, it’s possible that you could be on the hook for any debt your spouse racks up. In community property states, both assets and debts are split. This could work against you if your spouse has a habit of overspending and maxing out credit cards. Co-signing a loan for your partner also makes you responsible for their debt and dings your credit if they don’t pay.
2. Financial Infidelity
Unfortunately, even if you combine finances for transparency, your spouse could still hide things from you. Financial infidelity is surprisingly common. About one in four adults admitted to keeping financial secrets from their spouse. Your partner could damage your joint finances by running up a credit card or hiding funds in a separate account, making money feel tighter.
Without financial honesty, it can be difficult to meet your shared financial goals. So before you get married, make sure you and your future spouse are on the same page when it comes to money.
3. Money May Be Your Biggest Challenge
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One of the shocking truths about combining finances is that money may be your greatest challenge as newlyweds. About a quarter of couples say that their finances are their biggest relationship struggle.
Even if you get premarital financial counseling, you may still have money-related arguments off and on throughout your marriage. This is especially true if you have mismatched financial values. For instance, if one of you is a spender while the other prefers to save, it can be difficult to compromise and find a middle ground.
Money often brings up a lot of emotions, like fear, shame, and insecurity. Because finances are such a loaded topic, budgeting discussions can easily escalate into fights. Reading books like Money for Couples by Ramit Sethi together and working with a financial advisor or therapist can help improve your communication.
4. Your Finances Will Evolve
Next on the list of shocking truths about combining finances is that your income and cash flow will fluctuate over time. Even if you split things 50/50 now, that dynamic may not always work for you. As your life circumstances change and your family grows, one of you may need to pick up more financial slack than the other.
It’s not uncommon for one parent to stay at home with the kids or downshift to care for aging parents. You or your spouse might lose your job at some point or need time off to heal from an illness. These lifestyle shifts may require you to rejig your finances and cut down on spending. It’s important to talk to your spouse about how you plan to navigate life challenges financially to ensure you’re prepared.
5. Financial Jealousy
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The shocking truth about combining finances is that jealousy can come into play. Although you and your spouse are on the same team, envy can creep in if one of you earns more. Many people derive a sense of identity and pride from their job. If one of you has greater career success, the other may feel resentful. Even if you combine finances and share all household earnings, it can still be difficult to navigate a mixed-income relationship. Being mindful of the complex emotions that can arise and validating each other’s contributions can help ensure marital harmony.
6. Power Dynamics
Power dynamics within the relationship can also seep into your finances. For example, one partner may exert greater control over the budget and keep a tight grip on household spending. Instead of letting one person control the cash, it’s better to communicate openly about money and create a shared financial plan based on joint goals.
Money can even be used as a bargaining chip, creating a toxic or abusive dynamic. It’s a red flag if your spouse locks you out of an account until you agree to a certain request or demand.
7. Financial Trauma
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Nearly 70% of people currently suffer from financial trauma or have experienced money-related anxiety in the past. Financial trauma is often sustained during childhood when we have little to no control over money. Negative memories and anxieties from our early years can crop up when we have to deal with finances as adults.
It’s important to understand how your spouse’s financial past may influence their current behavior. Ask your partner how their family handled money, and be open about your own money story. Sharing these feelings and processing them together will help you make financial progress and heal.
What are some financial challenges you’ve faced in your marriage? Let us know in the comments.
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