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Romance is subjective. What feels sweet and thoughtful to one partner might feel cringeworthy or even annoying to the other. The problem? Many couples never talk about it. Romantic intentions don’t always translate the way you hope, and sometimes, they quietly create distance instead of connection. Here are 10 “romantic” gestures that might be missing the mark with your spouse.
1. Surprises
Some surprises are unwelcome. For example, you booked the whole evening, dinner, show, and maybe an overnight stay, but didn’t check their schedule. What you see as spontaneity might feel like stress or inconvenience to a partner who values structure or downtime. Every person is different. Some people love a surprise, while others would rather help plan the occasion. Know your partner before planning extravagant surprises.
2. Extravagant Gifts
Again, some people love extravagant presents. But to some, it may be too much. If you blow your budget on a gift, your partner may secretly resent it. A big gift may also create pressure or guilt to reciprocate. If your partner is more low-key, opt for a meaningful gift that doesn’t cost a lot of money.
3. Flowers
Flowers are a temporary gift that your partner may hate. After a week, they usually end up in the trash. Your partner may see this as a waste of money. Know their preference when it comes to the exchange of flowers. They may enjoy something that will last longer.
4. Public Displays of Affection
Not everyone likes attention. Kissing in public or proclaiming love over a restaurant microphone might make your spouse uncomfortable, not cherished. It’s important to know their love language and how they want to be shown affection. It may be best to declare your love in private.
5. Texting Non-Stop
You send heart emojis and “thinking of you” notes all day. They might see it as sweet at first, but distracting or clingy over time, especially during work hours. Know when to disconnect and give your partner space. After all, distance can make the heart grow fonder. Allow them time to miss you, if that’s what they prefer.
6. Love Bombing
Love bombing is a tactic where someone overwhelms another person with excessive affection, attention, gifts, and praise, especially early in a relationship. Sometimes it’s to gain control or influence. At first, it may feel flattering and romantic, but it’s often used to create emotional dependence. Once the target is hooked, the love bomber may start to withdraw affection, become controlling, or use guilt and gaslighting to maintain power. Even if your intentions aren’t to love bomb, you may be doing it without realizing.
7. Oversharing on Social Media
You just want to brag about your partner. But if they’re private or dislike attention, those sappy captions might feel performative or embarrassing. It’s okay to talk about how much you want to share on social media. This way, you’ll know how your partner feels.
8. Sappy Cards
Some people feel that holidays, like Valentine’s Day, are too much. Spending $8 on a card that is overly affectionate might not be your partner’s idea of romance. They might appreciate being shown that affection in other ways. You can always have an open conversation about how you want to spend these holidays and what your partner would enjoy. Then, no one will be disappointed or upset on the day.
9. Spending Too Much Time Together
Some people value alone time, even if they are in a relationship. Introverts may want to recharge by themselves. If you always want to spend time together, this may be a turnoff. Instead, aim for quality time spent together. Allowing space for time apart is healthy in any relationship.
10. Cooking Dinner
Do you plan romantic dinners at home? While this might be a nice gesture, if you can’t cook, it could become awkward. Your partner probably doesn’t want to tell you your food is awful. So, they will silently eat it and maybe even sing your praises. Next time, just opt for takeout.
The Best Romantic Gesture Is Knowing What Matters
Romantic gestures only work when they’re meaningful to both people. The real secret? Learn what your spouse actually appreciates, not what romance looks like in movies or on social media. A quiet night in, a kind word, or simply listening might mean more than any grand gesture ever could.
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