Image Source: Pexels
It’s not just what you say but also how you say it. Not all loving words land the way you think. Sometimes, what you mean as affection can feel dismissive, controlling, or condescending. Love is about intention, but also impact. Here are nine things you probably shouldn’t say to your partner since these words can be hurtful.
1. “I’m Just Trying to Help”
You may mean well, but unsolicited advice can feel like criticism. Sometimes your partner just wants to be heard, not fixed. If your efforts to help a situation aren’t being received well, try altering your approach. Ask your partner what they need from you in that moment.
2. “You’re Overreacting”
You might think you’re calming them down, but this often invalidates their feelings. It tells them their emotions are wrong or too much. Try instead to be supportive and listen to how your spouse feels. You don’t want to unintentionally gaslight them or say hurtful things.
3. “I Did This for You”
If your partner didn’t ask for the favor or gift, this can feel like a guilt trip instead of a gesture of love. Guilt-tripping can be manipulative and unhealthy. It shifts the focus from the act of giving to what your partner now “owes” you in return. Love given freely shouldn’t come with strings attached.
4. “You’re Fine”
Meant to reassure, this can come off as dismissive when your spouse is clearly not fine. Many people say this to children to try and help them regulate their emotions. A better approach may be, “Tell me what’s going on.” This approach has more love and care attached.
5. “At Least It’s Not Worse”
Comparing their situation to something “worse” might seem like perspective, but it can feel like you’re minimizing their pain. This can be considered toxic positivity. It denies someone comfort and support when they need it. Try to practice empathy with your spouse instead.
6. “You Should Just…”
This phrase often shuts down conversation. It sounds like you know better, even if your spouse is just trying to process something. Active listening versus trying to fix the problem is more effective. Even if your heart is in the right place, unsolicited advice can be hurtful.
7. “I Love You, But…”
Everything before “but” is forgotten. What follows often feels like a criticism, not love. This approach is not only hurtful, but also can make your partner defensive. If you have feedback for your partner, be direct and kind.
8. “You Always/You Never…”
Extreme language triggers defensiveness and resentment. Even in frustration, try to focus on the moment instead of turning it into a pattern. Open communication is key in any marriage. Make sure that you are addressing concerns before they become bigger arguments.
9. “I Know Exactly How You Feel”
Even if you’ve been through something similar, your spouse may feel like you’re making it about you. You may be assuming too much about how they feel. You may not realize it, but you’re turning the conversation back to talking about yourself. Instead, try a support response.
Avoid Hurtful Language with Your Spouse
Sometimes the words we use to show love do the opposite. It’s not about being perfect, it’s about being aware. Love listens. Love adjusts. And love, when paired with empathy, speaks volumes even in silence.
Read More
What New Homeowners Should Prioritize When Moving In
10 Things You Think Are Romantic That Your Spouse Secretly Hates
