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Newlyweds often enter marriage full of love, hope, and optimism, and that is perfectly normal. But sometimes, also carrying silent assumptions can slowly erode the relationship. These unspoken beliefs can create resentment, miscommunication, and unmet expectations. Ultimately, if not addressed, it can destroy your marriage. Here are eight assumptions that you shouldn’t be making in your marriage.
1. Love Alone Is Enough
Many couples assume that love will carry them through anything. But marriage requires effort, compromise, and ongoing communication, not just feelings. Especially as you face challenges down the road, your marriage will be tested in ways that you might not have imagined when you first got married. Poor health, having children, financial issues, and so on can all put a strain on your marriage. If you don’t build a solid foundation to begin with, your marriage may not make it through life’s stages.
2. My Partner Should Just Know What I Need
Assuming your spouse can read your mind leads to frustration. Clear, honest communication is essential, even for the things you think should be obvious. Remember, men and women communicate differently. Additionally, everyone has their own communication styles and needs. You may need to be more vocal about yours if you want your partner to respond.
3. We Won’t Fight If We’re a Good Match
Disagreements are natural. According to Very Well Mindset, it’s typical to fight 2-3 times per month. Never fighting actually might mean that you are avoiding issues. Instead, you need to learn how to argue respectfully and resolve issues constructively.
4. We Have the Same Values and Goals
Even if you aligned while dating, priorities can shift. Failing to revisit and discuss shared goals, like money, family, and career, can cause long-term tension. Over time, differing beliefs about what’s important can quietly drive a wedge between you. Without regular check-ins, couples may realize too late that they’re growing in opposite directions.
5. Marriage Will Fix Our Problems
Tying the knot doesn’t erase underlying issues; it often amplifies them. If something was a problem before marriage, it likely still is. While it is possible for individuals to grow, marriage is not the answer to solving relationship issues. Many couples seek out pre-marital counseling to work on their issues before taking the next step in their relationship. Then, if things don’t work out, they won’t have to get divorced.
6. Sex Will Always Be Easy and Frequent
Intimacy changes over time. Assuming it will always be effortless sets unrealistic expectations and leaves no room for open, healthy discussion. Sex is not the only thing that creates a happy relationship. It’s important to make sure that all elements of your relationship are strong, not just the physical element.
7. We Should Always Be Happy Together
A marriage will have ups and downs. Believing it should always feel perfect creates pressure and disappointment when normal challenges arise. Be open to change in your marriage. Constantly seeking out happiness could rob you of joy. Real connection is built through shared struggles, growth, and patience. Accepting imperfection allows space for deeper intimacy and resilience.
8. We Don’t Need Boundaries With Others
Letting family or friends overstep can strain the relationship. Strong marriages need clear boundaries to protect the partnership. Have each other’s backs in tense situations with family or friends. Without unified boundaries, outside influences can create confusion and conflict.
Challenging Assumptions in Your Marriage
Challenging these assumptions early can strengthen your marriage and build a deeper, more resilient connection. Open eyes, open hearts, and open communication make all the difference. How do you challenge assumptions in your marriage?
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