Top 5 Ways to Be the World’s Best Husband

1. Remember that I am always right when I’m pissed off at someone else. When I get pissed off at someone or something, and I go on a rant about how stupid they are–just agree with me. Don’t defend them or try and make me see the other person’s point of view. At this exact moment that I am spewing hate-filled words from my mouth, I am right and whoever I am mad at is wrong. I don’t care if I cut someone off on the freeway (they should have known I was trying to get in their lane)–I am always right! Duh.

2. Never remind me of my diet while I’m shoving five brownies into my mouth.
No matter how many times I say I’m “on a diet,” if I happen to be shoving five brownies into my mouth–that is NOT the time to remind me about losing weight. Words such as “you deserve it, honey” and “you’ve worked so hard, of course you need to splurge!” are acceptable.

3. Know that wine fixes problems.
I learned this trick from my dad. If my mom ever had a bad day at work, or simply because it was Friday, my dad would have a glass of wine waiting for my mom as she walked in the door. On a particularly bad day, I texted Eric: “You better have the wine ready when I come home.” Sure enough, as I walked up the stairs to our front door, a glass of Pinot was waiting for me on the top step. Wine fixes problems, wine makes me happy. ALWAYS have an emergency bottle on hand.

4. Humor my cravings. While we were in San Diego, I got the craving for a chocolate chip cookie. Then, I saw someone with a cupcake and realized I wanted a cupcake instead. But we couldn’t find the bakery where that girl had bought her cupcake. We asked three different store vendors, a janitor and perused the directory looking for this cupcake bakery. It seriously took us at least 20 minutes to find it. And not once did Eric get annoyed. Not even a peep. He knew how happy that cupcake would make me and he wanted me to have it. It was like falling in love all over again.

5. Know that cleaning is the biggest turn on.
Eric and I have been married for a year. For a year now, I have been asking him to put water in his dirty dishes to soak them. This was a slight issue when we had a dishwasher, but when we downsized and moved back into the 1980’s (ahem, our love shack doesn’t have a dishwasher)  this became even more of a problem as dishes would have dirty gross food stuck to them. Every day I would remind him “Put water in your dishes!”  and every time it seemed as if he would purposely leave me scrubbing dry oatmeal from his dishes while he was at work.
Last week, I woke up after Eric left for work and saw this in the sink:

And suddenly, the clouds parted, the angels started singing Hallelujah and God spoke to me. It was true–I had died and gone to heaven.

My husband had put water in his dish! And I didn’t even have to tell him! He did it on his own! And it it only took a YEAR of telling him over and over and over (and over)!

I texted him: “EEEEE! My husband put water in his dish!” He responded: “Does that turn you on?” Me: “You have NO idea.”
Seriously.

Eric follows all of these rules and that is why he is the best husband in MY world.

What’s on your “Top 5 Ways to be the World’s Best Boyfriend/Husband” List?

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15 thoughts on “Top 5 Ways to Be the World’s Best Husband

  1. April 15, 2011 at 9:01 am

    I’m getting married this June and my fiance and I have learned so much about what makes the other one tick.

    1) When you’re at dinner, watching tv, or spending time with me in any way, put your cell phone away!

    2) I agree w/ some of the girls here who say that men should take out the trash. Its just such a man’s job – use those muscles! haha

    3) My fiance is OCD and therefore very clean naturally, but I wish he’d remember to recycle jars, beer cans, etc.

    4) When I get home from work I need 30 minutes of down-time to recollect myself and become normal again. Oblige me 🙂

    5) If you come to bed later than me, be very quiet. Wake the sleeping monster and I will probably have a night terror all over your a**.

  2. April 13, 2011 at 11:59 pm

    Five I think of right away: 1) Letting me talk about my day first 2) taking out the trash 3) cooking dinner 4) reminding me of my talents 5) knowing when to hug me and when to leave me alone.

    Ha. Those are all about me. I think when it comes down to it none of these would make the final cut but at the moment these are so important. Law school makes me crazy!

    I like your list. Isn’t it amazing how many times you have to tell them to do something before they finally follow through?!

  3. April 12, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    number two is so very very true. no one likes to be reminded of their workout and diet when eating sweets, i mean we all have to cheat every now and then right?

  4. April 12, 2011 at 8:33 am

    OMG, I love this post! I would have to agree with each thing you listed. I think we are twins or something because you hit the nail on the head with everything you wrote. That’s awesome 🙂 I wouldn’t change a thing!

  5. April 12, 2011 at 8:25 am

    LOL! I loved this post! I have the exact same issue with my BF and putting water in his dishes. He finally started doing that… now if I could just get him to actually put the dishes in the dishwasher 🙂

    Number 3 is also so true. Wine DOES fix everything!

  6. April 11, 2011 at 9:03 pm

    This is great! I’m reading it to the BF now! 🙂

  7. April 11, 2011 at 8:50 pm

    Well I don’t have a husband/boyfriend/significant other/anyone to love me (sniff) so I’ll just leave you with this comment…

    You have the same cups as me! 🙂

  8. April 11, 2011 at 7:04 pm

    One day when I have a significant other (hopefully) I am going to show him this list. So right on!

  9. Sonya
    April 11, 2011 at 5:51 pm

    This is a great list!

  10. April 11, 2011 at 2:32 pm

    Ha-ha! Didn’t I say that exact thing to him last week? Cleaning as a turn on? That’s a riot. these are all huge ones for me….the brownies/diet thing. Yea, would be atrocious if he said that THEN! Ya know?? 😉 What a good man 🙂

  11. April 11, 2011 at 12:14 pm

    The whole time I was reading this, I kept thinking “I agree” on every point!

    I need to show this to my soon-to-be-husband . . .

    :0]

  12. April 11, 2011 at 10:33 am

    Making coffee in the morning for me warrants HUGE points in my book! He gets to sleep in later than I, but will always get up early to brew a pot for me 🙂 He also knows how much I loathe doing the dishes, so he always washes them. It’s the little things that make me happy!

  13. April 11, 2011 at 10:02 am

    Awwww. So sweet! It really is the little things that make such a HUGE difference! Like yesterday, I had decided Monday was IT, back on track with diet and exercise, so what did hubs do? Drove to Dairy Queen to get one final blizzard. Then he made me a healthy breakfast and sent me off to work. 🙂

  14. April 11, 2011 at 9:51 am

    #5 — so, SO true. I’d amend it to also include: put the chip clip back on the bag of chips when you’re done and please try not to destroy the cereal/pasta/granola bar box when you open it. I’d like the little tab to go back into the lid and not find a mangled cardboard mess that looks like The Hulk got into my cereal!

  15. April 11, 2011 at 9:46 am

    That’s a good list! My husband is good about dishes, but he was bad about making the bed. Until one day, I get home from work and the bed is all made, with all the decorative pillows and everything. I was SO happy! He is also the best husband because if I’m late, he gets my coffee ready and he knows exactly how I like it. And he buys me coconut/mango treats. He always has the wine ready. And he always kisses me goodnight, since I go to bed so much earlier than him 🙂

    xo, Ana

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