How being a crazy wife paid off

by Erika Torres

I know I’m crazy. Every day, I’m thankful that I married a man who is extremely patient and puts up with me, because I’m a freakin’ handful and if I weren’t me, I don’t think I’d want to hang out with me either.

I woke up two Fridays ago excited for the weekend. That morning, Eric had texted me and told me that he had switched his 24-hour Saturday shift at work and would be spending the weekend with me instead. Eric and I rarely get a whole weekend together, so when we do, it’s a treasured thing.

I had a little extra pep in my step the rest of the morning as I got excited about all the things we’d get to do that weekend: go to Costco, walk around Whole Foods, take Bentley to the dog park. We’re married; what do you expect?

That Friday afternoon, I got another text from my husband: “I forgot I was invited to a bachelor party in Vegas this weekend and they’re leaving in an hour and they’re asking if I can go but I’m not going to go.”

I stared at my phone, and thirty seconds later, I received another text:

“Can I go for just one night? I’ll be back tomorrow night.”

Eric doesn’t get to go out much with the guys. Between work, school, family and our mutual friends, he rarely has any guys-only events—unless you count that time he went hiking with his friend on our three-year anniversary while I was at work after I spent months begging him to take me hiking.

I digress.

Eric doesn’t do a lot of guy things, so wanting to be super-hero wife, I was all like “Sure.” It was one night, he’d be back tomorrow, and we’d still get to spend Sunday together. He would drive out with friends, and fly back Saturday night using our Jetblue points.

All was well.

Saturday afternoon, I receive another text. “Is it okay if I stay? We’re having so much fun. The guys are  leaving at 8 am and we’ll be home by 1 pm.” There was more to it, but the memory is hazy.

Again, I wanted to be superhero wife. I wanted to make my husband happy. And even though it sucked a lot to be alone an entire weekend, I figured, he never goes out—what’s one weekend?

Of course, as I spent the evening alone, wallowing in my misery, I started to get really upset. And by the next day, when he didn’t arrive until 5 pm, I was flat out furious.

You see, Eric had worked a 48-hour shift before he left. The last time I had seen him was on our anniversary Tuesday night. And it was now Sunday night. And he was starting a 72-hour shift the very next day. So in a span of 9 days, I would see him a total of three hours.

Add to that, a $600 charge on our credit card for a table at the MGM pool and I was ready to eat him alive.

I was not a happy camper. And as much as I wanted to enjoy the only three hours I would spend with my husband in a nine-day span, I was just too hurt and angry. I turn into a total two-year-old when I’m hurt. I act like I’m angry and I throw a tantrum, but in reality, it’s just because I’m crazy hurt.


Anyway, the next morning, after he left for work, I would be really mean and text him mean things as they would pop up in my head, like “I thought you said you were going to be home at 1 pm, and I found your bank deposit slip from Vegas and it said you deposited money at 12 pm! You didn’t even leave Vegas til 12, you liar!”

I probably took my texts to the extreme, but again, this was hurt (and okay, crazy) Erika talking. But here’s the thing about me: I can’t stay mad at my husband.

During some of the biggest arguments we’ve had, I’ve always gone to bed angry, thinking “I am not going to talk to him for an entire week! I am going to make him pay for this one!” and I will just be mad, mad, mad.

And even though I was mad the very next morning, by 11 am, I threw up my white flag and put my big girl panties on. I surrendered. I texted “It takes too much effort to stay mad at you. I am just really, really hurt.”

(And yes, we text a lot because we’re both at work a lot. Sometimes we have our best discussions over text).

By that afternoon, Eric texted me and told me he booked a swanky hotel room in San Diego for the weekend and we were going to have “husband-wife reconnect time”.

I cannot tell you how much fun we had this past weekend. We spent pretty much every single minute of the weekend together and had an absolute blast. Reminded me a bit of our one-year anniversary trip to San Diego.

I remain incredibly thankful that I have a husband that puts up with me—but to be honest, he kinda needs me too ; )

Have you ever been a crazy wife?

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Nadia October 7, 2014 - 6:47 pm

Hi, the whole thing is going well here and ofcourse every one is sharing facts, that’s really fine,
keep up writing.

Reply May 21, 2013 - 4:15 pm

Hi my friend! I wish to say that this post is awesome, great written and include almost all significant infos.

I’d like to see more posts like this .

Nichole C May 3, 2013 - 1:51 pm

Um I am pretty sure I’d kill my husband! LOL…but I can’t stay mad either and have learned that if he knows he screwed up and I don’t gripe as much, he finds THE best ways to make up :)…sounds like we both have crazy husbands at times, that put up with equally crazy wives!

Nan April 26, 2013 - 6:49 pm

It would have saved me a lot of anguish had I learned much sooner.
You will have to fry the shrimp in batches of 3-4 in a time.
Form a paste made from crushed garlic to help cure a nosebleed.

Jim April 25, 2013 - 7:30 am

Hi Erika, I say you are a good wife for being ok with Eric going to Vegas with the guys, my wife would outlaw that, mainly cause I got a 3 year old. Give yourself some credit, you let him do his things and you do yours, this is really important stuff in a marriage!

Lisa @ Lisa the Vegetarian April 21, 2013 - 2:16 pm

I would have been just as angry if I was in your shoes! I’m not yet a wife, but I certainly have had my crazy girlfriend moments. When I get mad, I’m usually more likely to get quieter rather than scream and yell, but if I get pushed to being extremely mad, that’s when I’ll get loud.

Alexis Marlons April 21, 2013 - 1:54 pm

I would probably have gotten furious the way you did. But in the end, I always end up raising my flag as well. Life is too short to give time on anger rather than spending a wonderful time with your love.

One Frugal Girl April 19, 2013 - 1:55 pm

My husband and I have been together for 15 years and married for 8 and we still have fights about plans changing. I mostly get annoyed though because he doesn’t provide any advance notice or call me until he is way late. At least your husband called you in advance to ask if he could stay. Having said all that if this isn’t a regular occurrence for him then I would let it go. We all need to have a little fun once in awhile, next time though you might want to give him a spending limit 🙂

Megan April 19, 2013 - 12:04 pm

I would be the same way you are! And my husband and I text a lot due to work, too. Lucky you to have a sweet husband to book the weekend–I don’t think even mine would do that after being hurt like that.

Catherine April 19, 2013 - 7:24 am

I think we’ve all been there. We also text a lot since we’re also always at work and have no way of talking on the phone.

Glad you guys had a great weekend. Hubby and I need that BAD. We basically haven’t done anything since our honeymoon almost 4 years ago…I wish I was joking. This summer we’re going on a family trip but we’re talking about 150 people…haha. I would love to book a weekend away for he and I (with baby too)….I think it would be good for us.

SavvyFinancialLatina April 18, 2013 - 11:58 am

At the beginning of our relationship I used to be very much like this. We have spent so much time together, I’m a little more relaxed 🙂
Usually I’m the one going out of town, so he’s the one that stays home alone.
He must inform me of big purchases like that because I manage the budget.

Lindsay April 18, 2013 - 11:41 am

I agree with Felicia above.

While your reaction to your husband’s actions is not unreasonable, it is silly to think that being a “crazy wife” paid off. Your husband’s weekend trip to Vegas ended costing you both (I’m estimating) around $1,000.00 (Vegas plus San Diego). To me, that is the opposite of a “pay off.”

Alice @ Earning My Two Cents April 18, 2013 - 9:10 am

I understand, but I think I would have only been mad about spending so much money. Unless we had the money and had talked about spending a chunk on the trip I would have been pissed. But the not coming home after one day is not surprising. Honestly, if my husband went on a bachelor weekend in Vegas and said he would come home after one day then wanted to stay a second, I wouldn’t be surprised at all. I would expect it since that’s what I would probably want to do. As long as we didn’t have any specific thing we needed to do, cet la vie, he can have fun. I just spent the last year living in a different city than my hubbie while he went to school and I looked for a job there so being apart for 4 days isn’t that weird. I understand the frustration especially when you get excited about the couple time but I’m glad that you guys got to spend that time together the next week.

Ana April 18, 2013 - 9:05 am

I agree with the other girls, I don’t think you were being crazy at all! My husband had his share of bachelor’s parties last year and I would not have liked if I had found a $600 charge!!!

The Norwegian Girl April 18, 2013 - 9:02 am

ouch, that $600 would piss me off if we had shared accounts.. Making me sooo happy that we keep our finances seperate, so if BF wants to do something completely silly with his money, it won`t be affecting me.

Adhari April 18, 2013 - 7:18 am

you are hilarious, i would have reacted the same exact way

Jessica April 18, 2013 - 7:18 am

I TOTALLY get this I do the SAME. EXACT. THING. My hubby doesn’t have many guys-only outings anymore it helps almost all his friends are married too LOL but when he does and he spends more money then we agreed and comes back later than he said he would… I. go. crazy. like I will scream and throw pillows and take his cards away and refuse to cook and clean mad. LOL then after a few hours or possibly half a day I come to my senses and do damage control like cutting some here and there to make up for his overspending and he has to compensate and make some more time than normal for me LOL.

Lea April 18, 2013 - 7:01 am

I don’t think that’s crazy! Although maybe that makes me crazy… I would have gotten super POed at my husband if he went to Vegas, charged $600 and didn’t come home when he said he was.

monique grattan April 18, 2013 - 6:14 am

I think the $600 charge would of sent me over the edge. I am all for my hubby having a good time. In fact I try and push him to hang out with friends. So a weekend in Vegas is okay…but it really is temptation island!!! lol. It is really easy to spend money there. You’re not crazy…totally normal in fact!

newlywedsonabudget April 18, 2013 - 8:21 am

thank you! I figure I’m not THAT crazy 😛 And his friends did give him money back to help pay for the pool charge, so in total he spent about $700 for the weekend. Pricey but average for a weekend in Vegas

Shannon April 18, 2013 - 6:09 am

I don’t think you were being crazy.
I would have reacted the same way, and I think most people would.
Don’t invalidate your feelings (missing your husband, feeling mad that he didn’t come home when he said he would, being angry that he spent a ton of money with out telling you) by writing them off as crazy. You guys agreed to a certain arrangement and you were disappointed when it didn’t unfold as planned-that’s a rational reaction, even if you say it’s ok to change the plan. I think women (myself included) tend to dub our emotions “crazy” when we react in a way we don’t expect, but framing it as “crazy” behavior hurts us. It’s gaslighting ourselves.

Here’s a great post about that….

newlywedsonabudget April 18, 2013 - 8:23 am

thank you! This actually means a lot to me, because sometimes I just don’t know if I’m overreacting. I know I’m entitleed to my feelings, but I was having a really hard time between being hurt for him not being there, but also wanting my husband to be able to enjoy himself since he rarely gets an opportunity to hang out with his friends.

Meg @ Mr.C & Me April 18, 2013 - 5:35 am

totally crazy over here too. pouty the whole bit. it’s embarrassing+frustrating+not productive… but somehow i manage to get myself into it everytime.

and we txt too and i’m so with you some of the best convos are via text (i work 8-5 he works 12-9:30, see each other only on the weekends, those days are so sacred!)

Mrs. Pop @ Planting Our Pennies April 18, 2013 - 5:26 am

Ugh, Mr. PoP goes on an annual trip that I despise and I pout about it every year. He makes it worse by putting off buying the ticket until the last moment so it’s all the more expensive and inconvenient for me, too. =(

newlywedsonabudget April 18, 2013 - 8:17 am

haha what is it about men that they can NEVER plan ahead?! I actually remember the moment when Eric and I were dating and our whole relationship shifted. I started getting pissed because he would never make plans with me more than a day in advance. And I finally called him out on it, and said “hey if you want to hang out with me on the weekend, I need a few days notice!” And he showed up at my doorstep that evening with cheese and chocolate (I knew it was love!) and he made an effort after that for sure! haha

felicia April 17, 2013 - 5:37 pm

so he spent a ton of money and is making it up to you by spending more? hmm…

eemusings April 17, 2013 - 5:11 pm

I’m super mad at T *right now* (for reasons it’s far too embarrassing to publicly admit – come on, we’re in our mid 20s and he’s far too old to still be doing stuff like this). But I absolutely hate fighting. He usually apologises first (umm, because he’s usually wrong!) but right now I really need to drill home the message that you can’t keep repeating the same mistakes over and over – it’s not okay.

CeCe @Frugalista Married April 17, 2013 - 4:50 pm

I would never go to Vegas for just 1 night if I could help it so I guess you can’t blame him for wanting to stay and in fact it makes more sense. On, the other hand I understand why you were so upset. It’s gotta be so hard not getting to spend weekends together. It’s so hard to be the “bigger” person and suck it up but I ALWAYS feel so much better about myself in the end when I do and I feel like an awful hateful person person when I don’t. In that moment though all you want to do is kick and scream. I totally get it.

Michelle April 17, 2013 - 2:53 pm

Love this story! I can definitely be crazy.

P.S. I always try to make him feel bad by not talking (isn’t that a normal girl thing? Ignore the guy to make him feel bad?), but that most likely backfires. He loves it when I’m not blabbering for hours… So now I get back at him by talking even more than I usually do. It kills him and it usually makes us makeup because it’s funny that I just ramble on.

eemusings April 17, 2013 - 5:13 pm

I don’t talk – I’m not a talker normally, and even less so during a fight. I usually have a lot of really mean horrible things to say but I believe in picking your words carefully!


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