We’ve got less than six weeks to go, and the countdown is on. With this raging September heat we’ve been having in southern California (I’m over the 90s okay?!), I am really hoping this baby decides to make an appearance sooner rather than later.
In fact, I’m often asked: “You ready for this baby?” And my first thought is, yeah, get this thing outta me! I am falling apart at the seams, I can barely breathe when I’m sitting at my desk at work, I wake up at least three times a night to pee, and while I wouldn’t call those kicks to the ribs painful, they’re certainly not comfortable. In fact, there are times I really feel like this kid is trying to punch its way outta me, a la Alien-style.
So yes I’m ready to have this baby in that I’m ready to be done with being pregnant and will be so happy to go back to normal–you know, like putting underwear on the regular way and not having to go to the bathroom every time I stand up. However, when I truly think about am I ready for this baby, then of course it’s a resounding no.
The nursery isn’t done–although we’ve made a lot of progress–Eric still needs to build a closet (right now it’s just a square hole), we still need hardware for the dresser, the crib needs bedding, and the plantation shutters won’t be here until the week before the baby is due, but hey it’s coming along!
But above and beyond the basic–I am scared shitless about becoming a mom. This is it, guys. For the rest of my life, I will be someone’s mom. There is no going back. Once I have this kid, I’m stuck with it for life.
There are a few fears that I have, and I’ve decided to dissect them and analyze them here. Feel free to share your input if you have experience in the kid-arena.
What if I don’t like this baby?
I know that instinct tells me I will love this baby no matter what, but I think secretly all parents believe that their child will be the culmination of both parents’ bestest most positive traits.
But what if it’s the opposite? What if this baby inherits our worst traits instead? And we’re stuck with this demonic sucky-personality ill-tempered ill-behaved brat? I mean, do parents ever truly understand that you are taking on a huge risk by inviting someone into your family forever for-eh-ver that you’ve never even met?!
I got to choose spending the rest of my life with Eric, but now together we’ve made this human being and they will be a part of our family forever, and well, what if we don’t like them?!
Screwing Up Your Baby
What if we give birth to the next Charles Manson? I bet whoever Charles Manson’s mother was did not ever expect that her little baby would grow up to the be devil incarnate. How do we keep our baby from becoming the next axe murderer?
Which leads me to more questions, like “Are murderers born or raised?” And besides raising a murderer, how do we ensure that our child won’t need years of therapy down the line? I still hold it over my mother’s head that she gave me a boy-haircut when I was younger and I spent years being traumatized every time I was asked whether I was a boy or a girl.
What if we have an Ugly Baby?
I know most babies are ugly when they’re born but sometimes…babies stay ugly. There are times where people will post photos of their kids on Facebook, and I’ll be like “wow, if my baby looked like that, I wouldn’t be sharing those photos…” Sometimes, they’re just not photogenic you know?
Losing Your Life
When you become pregnant, everyone is quick to tell you how miserable you will be after you have a baby. “Make sure to (insert every activity you enjoy doing here)–you’ll never be able to do it again once the baby comes!” It’s like misery loves company, and everyone who has ever become a parent loves to initiate you into the club of miserable parenting while telling you that it’s the best thing ever. “Oh you’ll never sleep again, but it will be SO worth it!”
I don’t know guys… I just don’t know….
It’s too late to go back now, but these next six weeks, it’s like do or die time…