When it comes to our finances, I have no problem paying bills, shelling out $80 for our dog’s organic food, buying gifts, or paying for Eric’s expensive CrossFit membership to prepare him for the academy.
But when it comes to myself? Why do I balk at spending anything on myself?
I allow myself the same $20 allowance that Eric gets. But because carrying around $20 seems to burn a hole in his pocket, he is frequently out of money by the end of the week (even though our $20 allowance is supposed to last us two weeks). So I would take out money from other categories to give him an extra $10 to tidy him over til our next allowance.
This past summer, we shelled out about $600 for Eric to join CrossFit for three months to prep physically for the academy. I have categories in our yearly budget labeled “Eric Food” ($1,300+) and “Eric School” ($2,700+) and “Eric Travel” ($2,100+). Do I have an Erika label? Just Beauty related at $800 (and some of that does include Eric).
A week ago, I signed up for an unlimited month of barre classes at Meraki Barre in Costa Mesa. My blog friend, Jolene at Determined to Be, got me hooked when she convinced me (seriously, I was doing everything to get out of going) to attend a class with her, and even scored me a free intro class. I had no excuse.
The first five minutes, I was really thinking “Seriously, Jolene? This is all you’ve got?” and then the instructor says “Ok, the warm up is done.” Warm up? Twenty minutes in, I wanted to die. It was awesome! I have never had such an intense workout before. The Barre method combines small movements utilizing small weights, the ballet barre, a small flexi ball, and your own weight to work every part of your body–arms, legs, butt, abs, thighs.
I wanted to sign up for classes, but knew that I just couldn’t afford the $99 unlimited intro price tag. How was I going to squeeze that out of the budget? For days, I whined to Eric about how badly I wanted to take the classes. And each time, he said “Sign up!” But I couldn’t. I knew I would feel so guilty, knowing that I’d have to find $99 from somewhere else in the budget.
When I heard about a Facebook deal for one month for $75 ($25 off!), I was still hesitant but knew I just needed to do it. I signed up and have seriously loved going to class. I leave pumped and excited, without being covered in sweat despite the intense muscle workout.
$75 is a big chunk of change in our budget. I don’t know how I’m going to pay for next month yet, but I’m so glad I took the plunge and bought something that brings me so much happiness.
I still feel a small amount of guilt. And I wish the guilty feeling would go away.
Do you ever have trouble spending money on yourself? How do you get rid of the guilt?
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