I am not an expert on marriage, but I am a celebrity expert. And these are my tongue-in-cheek tips for Kim Kardashian on how to survive marriage.
You’re not supposed to like your spouse
Marriage is hard. Sure, there are moments you want to dip each other in maple syrup, but for the most part you’re two people going through life, trying to help each other the best way you can. There are lots of times Eric wants to kill me. I’m freakin’ annoying. Heck , I annoy myself! But he puts up with me because he made vows and because I make dinner and do his laundry. You know, marriage is rough.
It’s okay to be mad sometimes
There have been times when you will fight and say really mean things to each other. Everyone does it. And when you see someone else doing it, you look at each other and say “Oh, we’ll never be that way.” And then you go home, and turns out he left his dish on the counter again, and you let him have it and you bring up things that he did seven months ago and how he always does the same thing, and oh my goodness, why did we ever get married in the first place?!
And then you go to bed, and you don’t speak to each other, and in the morning you wake up and all is better in the world and the birds are singing and you’ve never even heard of the term “morning breath” because baby, I love you.
Love is NOT all you need
There’s a reason that the number one reason for getting divorced is over money and not love. You can have all the love in the world, you still need to be able to get along (and pay your bills, but that obviously isn’t your problem, Kim). Hasn’t anyone else ever been in love and then broken up and thought “Thank goodness I dodged that bullet!”
I will never be one to judge people for have a short dating relationship, but at some point you have to figure out whether this is long term or short term. I think everyone and their mother could see that this relationship was doomed.
You make sacrifices
Kim, there are times you cannot be the Queen B. He wanted to live in Minnesota, you wanted to stay in LA? He’s an idiot for thinking you’d move, and you need to make some sacrifices. If you dedicated as much time and effort to your marriage as you did your career, you’d probably still be married.
It ain’t over til the fat lady sings
There are going to be tough moments–more tough moments than can possibly happen in 72 days of marriage. You have to decide whether you’re going to be a quitter or a fighter. You don’t put your white flag up until you’ve run the marathon, climbed the mountain, swam through shark-infested waters and battled World War III with your bare hands. Only then can you say “I’ve done everything…”
Kim, here are my two tips for your future:
1. Stay single for at least a year.
2. Elope next time.
*I still realize she is a human being and it completely sucks to have to deal with this in the limelight.*
Anybody else have any tips for Kim K?