5 Tips on Marriage for Kim Kardashian

by Erika Torres
11 comments

I am not an expert on marriage, but I am a celebrity expert. And these are my tongue-in-cheek tips for Kim Kardashian on how to survive marriage.

You’re not supposed to like your spouse

Marriage is hard. Sure, there are moments you want to dip each other in maple syrup, but for the most part you’re two people going through life, trying to help each other the best way you can. There are lots of times Eric wants to kill me. I’m freakin’ annoying. Heck , I annoy myself! But he puts up with me because he made vows and because I make dinner and do his laundry. You know, marriage is rough.

It’s okay to be mad sometimes

There have been times when you will fight and say really mean things to each other. Everyone does it. And when you see someone else doing it, you look at each other and say “Oh, we’ll never be that way.” And then you go home, and turns out he left his dish on the counter again, and you let him have it and you bring up things that he did seven months ago and how he always does the same thing, and oh my goodness, why did we ever get married in the first place?!

And then you go to bed, and you don’t speak to each other, and in the morning you wake up and all is better in the world and the birds are singing and you’ve never even heard of the term “morning breath” because baby, I love you.

Love is NOT all you need

There’s a reason that the number one reason for getting divorced is over money and not love. You can have all the love in the world, you still need to be able to get along (and pay your bills, but that obviously isn’t your problem, Kim). Hasn’t anyone else ever been in love and then broken up and thought “Thank goodness I dodged that bullet!”

I will never be one to judge people for have a short dating relationship, but at some point you have to figure out whether this is long term or short term. I think everyone and their mother could see that this relationship was doomed.

You make sacrifices

Kim, there are times you cannot be the Queen B. He wanted to live in Minnesota, you wanted to stay in LA? He’s an idiot for thinking you’d move, and you need to make some sacrifices. If you dedicated as much time and effort to your marriage as you did your career, you’d probably still be married.

It ain’t over til the fat lady sings

There are going to be tough moments–more tough moments than can possibly happen in 72 days of marriage. You have to decide whether you’re going to be a quitter or a fighter. You don’t put your white flag up until you’ve run the marathon, climbed the mountain, swam through shark-infested waters and battled World War III with your bare hands. Only then can you say “I’ve done everything…”

Kim, here are my two tips for your future:

1. Stay single for at least a year.

2. Elope next time.

*I still realize she is a human being and it completely sucks to have to deal with this in the limelight.*

Anybody else have any tips for Kim K?

11 comments

christian louboutin sale April 23, 2013 - 3:47 am

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kim November 3, 2011 - 10:24 am

Here is something else from your life – the fact that one1 person is not bringing money in should not tank a relationship!!!!! You guys are getting through it, it’s only 5 months long! This dude is out of work due to something out of his control (NBA lockout) – so why did she rag on him that he’s a lazy bum and needs a job? The man makes stacks of cash! Not to mention she has more than enough to go around – what’s wrong with spending a little on him? CA property law on marriage – no his and hers, just ours.

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theMRS. November 3, 2011 - 9:59 am

I have no empathy for her.
All there please respect our privacy comments make me laugh.

NO ONE WOULD CARE ABOUT YOU IF YOU DIDN’T whore yourself out to make money. Then your Marriage and Divorce would have been private.

I think the best advice we got from my parents actually was- Move away from your family and set your own boundaries.

Its made a world of difference to us. To be our own family. To say no to family obligation when we are burned out. And to create our own identity.

Also it allows you to fight with out your siblings or parents getting negative impression of your spouse.

I love your list!

♥ theMRS,

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Kellie November 3, 2011 - 6:45 am

I just have to comment because I love the Kardashians… its my one guilty pleasure! Definately knew it would not last long but 72 days! I think she did love him and got caught up in the hype… but there were so many things they disagreed on and didnt hash out before the wedding that you knew it was doomed. I dont think she did it just for the money… they can make money in plenty of other ways!

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jobo November 3, 2011 - 6:45 am

Ya know, you raise GREAT points here. You seriously have learned so much since being married, and it shows. I love your perspective on this and how strong (and real!) you and Eric are 🙂 XO!

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Teacher Girl November 2, 2011 - 7:39 pm

I agree with Melissa. I think for Kim, it was about the $$ and publicity, not what her future with him was really going to be like. GREAT insight on your part though!

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Melissa November 2, 2011 - 6:02 pm

I donno, man, I heard she had an iron-clad prenup and made something like $18 million off her wedding.

If you’d pulled a Kardashian you could be in Costa Rica right now…

😉

(Seriously, though, I’m starting to think Kim Kardashian is some sort of diabolical financial genius. I believe she is also raking in some SERIOUS cash from the sale of her own sex tape!)

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Niki November 2, 2011 - 5:11 pm

You crack me up.

You are on your way to becoming a marriage expert. You understand it so well.

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Hawaii Planner November 2, 2011 - 3:36 pm

This part rings the truest for me:
If you dedicated as much time and effort to your marriage as you did your career, you’d probably still be married.

Marriage is about compromise, finding a balance & hard work. It’s not roses & sunshine 24×7. I understand not wanting to compound a bad choice by staying (really, been there, done that), but I don’t think anyone gave this any effort.

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Mary November 2, 2011 - 2:25 pm

The graphic is awesome…and accurate!

The whole thing stinks of a publicity stunt…maybe it isn’t, but it’s hard to know in this day of reality television. I wish them both the best though.

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Shellie November 2, 2011 - 2:04 pm

LOL, I love that pic.

I personally find her discusting but so love this post. Very very true.

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