Newlywed fears

by Erika Torres

While we’ve only had this blog a few short months, I’ve been blogging for almost two years now. I read more than 100 blogs and have even developed friendships with some of these people.

So it’s no wonder that in the past few months, I’ve started reading more newlywed blogs. And eventually, these newlywed blogs turn into “new mommy” blogs…and that’s where things get sticky. I really enjoy reading about other people becoming parents, and reading about their birth plan, and the baby names, and all the baby toys they find. (Young House Love and Our Little Apartment are a few that come to mind!)

But I am afraid–really, really afraid–of having a baby any time soon. They’re so much responsibility…and frankly, I am A-OK with being completely selfish right now. I don’t want to be surprised. And in fact, every month I get really excited when I get to tell Eric “Good news! I’m not pregnant!”

There’s a part of me that feels like this pregnancy thing is contagious. If I read about it, will I catch it? I sometimes wonder if all these babies are planned or just happy accidents. Us Mexican girls are known for our fertility, and I would by lying if I didn’t worry a little bit each month right around that time…

Sometimes I get a craving for meat, and I’m like “oh crap, am I pregnant?” or recently I’ve been having some lower back pain and I’m like “oh man, what if I’m like one of those girls on Discovery Health’s I didn’t know I was pregnant and this is labor?”

When I found out that the couple who lived in our new home got pregnant as soon as they moved in–I’m not gonna lie–I wondered if the place was cursed blessed and if we should maybe keep looking…

But here is where I go all psycho Erika. Because while I worry now about any babies popping up, I also worry that when we do want to have a baby, we’ll have problems. And it will be like 2 years, and I’ll be like “we should have tried having children sooner!” And then I’ll be like 40, and wrinkly, and my baby-making days will be over…

I’m crazy, right?

I also worry that I won’t have a girl. And I’ll be stuck with three boys.

I apparently have a lot of fears, and this is exactly why I should not become a mom any time soon. I can barely handle myself some days…

Do you have any irrational fears?


Serendipity October 30, 2010 - 10:59 pm

I have a really hard time imagining my life with kids. Although I work with kids ( and I love the kids I work with!) I just can’t imagine having any of my own. I’m really selfish with my time and really self absorbed. I don’t say that to be rude or ignorant, I say that because I know right now just isn’t the time nor place. I’m working on my education, career, myself right now. I am afraid though I will wake up one day when I can’t have children and be upset. But since I’m only 25, I’d like to not let myself have those thoughts until I’m at least 35. 🙂

Shannon October 17, 2010 - 5:11 pm

Old bloggy friend here playing catch up. Glad I can still run into the “oh my god I was going to write this post” game with you. And can I just say, the point I am at in my life I get seriously annoyed to have some of my fav bloggers turn mommy bloggers. I’m such a bitch, I know. But I’ve been there done that once already and I don’t care about every spit up, life continues. Hearing about it every few posts is fine but not every. Can you tell I have a cob up my ass about this today?

Erin B. Inspired October 15, 2010 - 8:55 am

I used to spend A LOT of time not wanting to have babies. The thought of having a child was gross and I’d cringe and when I’d find out someone was pregnant I was all HAHAHA SUCKS FOR YOU SUCKKKKKA THERE GOES YOUR LIFE.

Yeah, uh, fast forward a few months and I’m freaking out because I’m OMG I’M GOING TO BE TOO OLD TO HAVE BABIES SOON BUT WE’RE NOT READY RIGHT NOW.

I’m a freak of nature. It’s all good.

Red October 13, 2010 - 10:33 pm

My husband and I are newlyweds too. (We got married May 8!) My fear since we got married has been that we’ll end up settling for the life people are supposed to want instead of really living our dreams. For instance, the only things I’ve heard since we got married have been “When are you having kids?” and “When are you buying a home?” And we do think we’d like to buy a home someday… But we’re not sure our current location is where we want to retire. And we don’t want kids at all. I’m just terrified that, even though we’ve talked about these things and agree with each other, we’ll give in to a cookie cutter lifestyle. And then I’ll be 86 and wondering what the heck happened to my life. Phew! That was good to let out! 🙂

City Girl October 13, 2010 - 7:46 pm

I don’t see your fears as irrational at all. You charted a unique path that was right for you and E. But, getting married early doesn’t need to translate to having children early. You just moved. You’re both getting ready to start new professional paths. And, you’re working on balancing your budget. You’ll know when the right time is for you both. Don’t view it as irrational that the right time isn’t now. It could be a smart choice instead :). xoxo

Randa October 13, 2010 - 7:07 pm

Apparently, pregnancy IS contagious. Hmmm…

My irrational fear is the same as yours but for different reasons. Ever since leaving high school, I’ve noticed about every other month, someone else that I went to school with is popping out a baby even though most of them aren’t even 21 yet . . . Reading your post, I felt like I was reading myself because I do the same. So don’t worry – you’re not alone.


Ask Alice October 13, 2010 - 5:24 pm

See my irrational (I hope) fear is not meeting that someone who makes me have irrational fears about kids!

I love the new website – great idea 🙂

Stephanie@ourmarriageadventure October 13, 2010 - 4:38 pm

Thanks for checking out my blog! As for your fears, don’t feel bad. We are trying for a child and there are still days when we stare at each other and go “What are we thinking?” And I’m pretty sure my parents look at each other every now and then and go “What are we thinking?!” I do think that no matter what, things will happen as they are meant to. In the meantime, live it up and remember to enjoy your new couple status. And good luck with the budget. We’re pretty kooky about that too!

CarrieV October 13, 2010 - 4:32 pm

Get out of my head! I have the same feelings and even posted about it a few weeks ago. There is so much pressure and it’s hard not to feel guilty or worry about future. problems. You know you aren;t ready; no shame in that (at least that’s what I keep saying:)

jay October 13, 2010 - 11:46 am

No, no irrational fears for you. I’m not on birth control, so I worry too – but we just stay away from doin’ the dirty around the time of month I’m most likely to get pregnant. I have no idea when we’ll want to start poppin’ out kids. I hear that if you wait until you’re ready, you’ll never be ready. But… babies are expensive and we can barely afford ourselves. I worry too that I won’t be able to get pregnant… not that I was a whore growing up, but I’ve been around the block without worrying about getting pregnant and sometimes I feel like if I could, I probably would have by now. I’m all for adoption though, so I wouldn’t be completely heartbroken.

IntrigueMe (Quarter For Her Thoughts) October 13, 2010 - 11:13 am

I’m fairly certain that most of these fears come with being a woman- we are maternal, it’s in our blood. I have the same ones about not being able to get pregnant later… I’m almost 25, my clock is bound to start ticking in a couple years and what if I don’t get married until I’m 30 as I have planned? Will I be totally f*cking up any chances of reproduction? I guess I have no choice but to wait and see, and neither do you!

Jennifer October 13, 2010 - 6:49 am

I also fear that I will have all boys, especially now that I’ve had our first baby and he is a boy! I REALLY want a girl since I grew up with 3 sisters!

NySoonerGirl October 13, 2010 - 6:02 am

I worry about the exact same thing! I am so terrified of becoming pregnant before I’m married, yet I’m equally worried that I will have trouble getting pregnant later on. Then add on what I’ve read about it being more difficult to conceive after 30 and the fact that I want to be married at least a couple years before getting pregnant… And, well, I would basically need to get married tomorrow. And I don’t see that happening so I better just hope that my birth control holds out now and then everything springs into action later on!

bronwen October 13, 2010 - 5:49 am

My irrational fear is that I will fall in the street and knock my two front teeth out on the curb. This fear is usually magnified when I have been drinking, but it really freaks me out! I wouldn’t even know what to do if that happened. Do you go to the emergency room? Is there a dental emergency room? All good things to know.

Makes your irrational fear seem less irrational, doesn’t it! 🙂


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