A longtime blogging buddy recently asked about whether she should keep dating a guy after three dates, because she wasn’t sure if she really liked him or not.
I encouraged her not to rush to a decision and to keep dating him until she could really figure it out.
That got me thinking if we really put too much pressure nowadays on “The Spark.”
“Guys invented the ‘spark’ so that they could not call, and treat you kind of bad, and keep you guessing, and they convince you that that anxiety and that fear that they’re throwing at you is actually, just a ‘spark.’ And you guys all buy it. You eat it up. And you love it. You love it because you feed off that drama. You all love that drama.”
He’s Just Not That Into You
Eric and I first met in a coffee shop after exchanging emails for a few weeks (read about how we ‘technically’ met online). We had a nice conversation and that was that. We ended up hanging out a few more times, strictly as friends, but I never saw him as anything more.
It wasn’t until over a month later that I invited him over to my place to play some board games with another friend of mine. When he showed up, he had brought a cup of hot cocoa from the coffee shop where we first met.
And that was my moment–that was when “the spark” happened and I started seeing Eric not just as a friend, but as maybe something more.
We ended up going on our first real date about a week or so later, and it was a couple of weeks after that, that I told my mom I knew I was going to marry him (And I did, just two months later).
To this day, I still get butterflies in my stomach whenever Eric shows up unexpectedly at my workplace with my favorite cup of coffee (which he’s done more than once). You’ve never seen me smile so big.
It took me more than a month to see Eric as more than just a friend. So I am personally in favor of becoming friends with someone first before deciding whether there is really any sort of romantic connection.
And isn’t that what dating is all about? Figuring out if someone is really compatible with you? Perhaps that’s not possible to discern after only a few dates.
I’m all for giving the guy a chance. And I’m all for women not putting so much emphasis on “The Spark.”
What are your thoughts? Did you have a spark when you met your significant other?