Money can be a contentious topic for couples. This is especially true if both partners don’t see eye to eye. If one only cares about money while the other has a different perspective, it can be hard to reconcile the differences. However, that doesn’t mean it isn’t possible to find some middle ground. If all your husband cares about is money, here’s what you need to do.
Prepare for a Conversation
Communication is critical for any relationship. Otherwise, you can’t resolve your differences and get on the same page. However, if you both view money differently, don’t launch into a heavy discussion right away. Instead, you need to spend a little time reflecting before you try to talk with them.
You need to consider why you think that your husband only cares about money. Is it something that he’s said or done? Was there something you wanted to do with some money that he didn’t agree with, and, if so, what was his reasoning? How did you react to that news emotionally? What does it look like as you reflect on it intellectually? Is it a single issue, or is there a long-term pattern?
At times, a person interprets their partner as only caring about money when that isn’t the case. It’s possible you’re feeling hurt because you had one idea, and your husband didn’t agree with moving that direction. That’s a single incident, so you might not want to treat it as if there’s a pattern.
However, if all of your husband’s decisions are financially motivated, then it’s wise to reflect on that as well. Consider the examples of the behavior as well as how you react to them.
Your goal is to identify the facts of the matter outside of your emotional response. This will make it easier to address the topic without being accusatory or allowing your feelings to dictate how you proceed.
Schedule a Discussion
While it may seem odd to schedule a talk with your husband, it could be the better move. Springing a serious topic on someone may not end well. This is especially true if you might not have time to finish, have another pressing obligation that has to be addressed, or could be interrupted.
By scheduling the talk, you can make sure you’ll have enough time to handle it. You can let them know that you’d like to set aside some time to discuss your household finances. Ask what will work best for them, and then make the appointment official.
Have the Talk
When the time arrives, you’ll want to discuss your concerns calmly. Focus on the facts of the situation, such as examples of times you wanted to spend money, and he felt otherwise.
Then, you can also tap on how his refusal made you feel. Don’t be accusatory. It’s all about focusing on how you were impacted without placing blame. That way, you can make your feelings on the matter known while lessening the risk that he’ll become defensive.
After that, give your husband the floor. Allow him to speak his mind without interruption. You want to respect his perspective, so give him room to share. Once he’s done, rephrase what he shared to make sure you understand. You can also use clarifying questions if the need arises.
At this point, you should be able to work together to find a solution. Precisely what that will look like depends on your unique situation. However, if you focus on compromising over winning, there’s a decent chance you’ll locate middle ground.
If he refuses to discuss your finances at all, then that could be a sign of bigger trouble. A relationship should be about working together toward a brighter future. If he isn’t open to doing that, there could be larger issues in play that need to be addressed first if the relationship is going to survive.
Do you have any tips that can help a spouse if all her husband cares about is money? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
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