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Babies, babies, babies

by Erika Torres
52 comments

It seems everyone and their mother is having a baby.

Three girls at my work are preggers. Another one in our church”newlywed” group is pregnant. Another couple is in the process of adopting, and another couple plans to have a baby next year.

I often wonder if Eric and I are running late to the party.

We’ve been married for 2.5 years now. I’m 28 years old, Eric is 29. Prime baby making time. But honestly? I’m not feeling it.



Sure the whole idea of having a baby sounds exciting. I like the idea of being pregnant because I want everyone to spoil me, and open doors for me, and smile at me and offer me free things just because I’m carrying a bowling ball around and I want to subject Eric to 3 am food cravings. Because being pregnant means everyone becomes your slave for nine months right?

The time frame of having a baby keeps changing for us. Obviously, priority number one is to become more financially stable, and that really means that Eric needs to land his firefighter job. But priority number two–and this is a really selfish priority–is that I still want to travel more.

I feel lucky that we’ve been been able to travel more this year, even on small weekend getaways. We went to Vegas in May, and Temecula in August. But I am still holding out hope for that honeymoon to Costa Rica. For 2013, I am hoping for a trip to New York (Eric’s never been) and maybe, maybe, maybe a trip to Europe in the fall?

I guess the way I see it, is that once you have a baby, you’re kinda stuck with them forever. And it’s not that your life is over once you have a kid, but you really need to become less selfish. And I’m just not ready for that yet.

On Labor Day, we spent all day in our pajamas, eating take out and watching episodes of Prison Break on Netflix. You think I’m kidding, but I didn’t brush my teeth until about 4 pm. It was absolutely wonderful.

With everyone around us popping out babies, it’s obviously something that’s at the forefront of our minds. And while we really do want to have babies, we’re okay with pushing it off for as long as possible.

In fact, the older I get, the more I want to wait.

What age do you want to have babies? or at what age did you have babies?

52 comments

Corrine B January 13, 2016 - 7:02 pm

I totally relate to this. I’m around the same age and so many of my friends are having kids or have them. I feel like by the time I have kids their kids will be babysitting mine, which makes me feel behind for some reason. I find solace in the fact that I have so much more freedom and free time with my husband than they do, but I’m sure for them they wouldn’t trade anything for their baby joy. When my husband and I do have kids though, our marriage will be stronger than if we had rushed into babies before we were ready.

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Ally October 9, 2012 - 11:11 pm

I’m 28 years old and it does seem like everyone is having babies. My brother and his wife had their first baby last year after being married for 10 years (they were 17 years old when they got married). Two of my cousins had babies earlier this year and two of my cousins are trying. I’m the only cousin left on both sides of the family that isn’t married yet. I don’t even have a boyfriend yet I have baby fever. I have always wanted babies. Lots of them and it kills me that everyone gets to have one except for me. Even if I could have one, there’s no way I’d be able to afford one right now. Like you, I love to sleep in and I enjoy camping and traveling. I’m not ready to give that up. I’ve decided that if I’m in a good place financially, I’m going to have a baby when I’m 35 – even if I’m not married. I picked 35 because I’ve read many, many blogs from women over 35 trying to get pregnant and most of them have fertility issues. One of my cousins who had a baby last year is 39 years old and she told me that her body couldn’t handle it and the doctor told her not to have another baby. I don’t want that to happen to me so I need to get started at or before 35. Hopefully I’ll be married by then. I think you should wait until you both are ready but be aware of fertility issues that could come up as you get older.

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ralph lauren boys October 2, 2012 - 11:31 pm

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Kristin September 16, 2012 - 1:56 pm

Amen and hallelujah. I think I’m in love with you.
We’ve been married for 3 years and 3 months. And I think people are starting to wonder. But we’ve been doing deployment after training after deployment. And we’re currently stationed in Alaska. And I still feel like we haven’t gotten each other figured out yet, what with our crazy Army life. We’re both almost 27. This winter we’re finally getting our “honeymoon” to the Caribbean. We’ve taken a couple of vacations in the last few years, but there’s a few more things we’d like to get out of the way before we settle down.
Plus, I’ve been working the last few years and, with our army lifestyle, I’d have to be a stay-at home mom (not that I’d mind!), but I wanted to get a little use out of my degree before I put it on the shelf.
I’m going to be sharing this post on my blog! πŸ™‚

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Emily @ evolvingPF September 15, 2012 - 8:58 am

My husband and I started dating when we were 20, married at 24, and are now 27. I also have noticed that there are lots of babies and pregnancies of people who have been married not even as long as we have – such is life in the South! My husband wants to get pregnant when I’m writing up my thesis (about 1.5 from now) but I think I want to wait until we’ve been married 5 years, or maybe together 10 years total. I don’t want to rush into it – like you said, your life is completely transformed and never the same again and I really like our life the way it is now.

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hp September 12, 2012 - 8:34 am

I found this post from a Blogher link…so I’m sorry for the delay in commenting. I am 34 weeks with my first and I am 29. My husband and I have been together for 14 years (yes–since we were 15) and married for 6. We wanted to wait until I felt secure in my job. I am a college professor and I didn’t want to be proving myself for tenure while caring for an infant, so we put a “when I have tenure” statement on our plans. When I got close to my tenure deadline, we figured that if I went up for tenure while pregnant, it wouldn’t affect my chances, so we started trying. I got pregnant last September and had a miscarriage requiring surgery at 12 weeks (all while teaching 21 hours of classes and preparing for my tenure interviews). That was NOT the plan. I got pregnant again the week I submitted my tenure application–so I guess our original plan was better.

For me, I wanted kids long before this–like you, all my friends were having children and I felt like the odd one out. However, I know that I am in a “better” place now because we have paid off our debt (except the mortgage, which we paid extra on so that we now owe less than 8 years of payments), I have job security (they are letting me teach online next semester and even suggested it), and my husband is in a more rewarding (and family-friendly) career. Plus–if you wait, everyone wants to off-load their baby junk and you get lots of free stuff. I have an almost complete wardrobe up to 2 years of age with minimal expense πŸ™‚

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Kayla@Renown and Crowned September 11, 2012 - 12:28 pm

I’m in my early 20s. Married last July, graduated college in May this year, & our son was born 16 days later. Life is wonderful. Sure, we have to slow down the pace of life. Yeah, my husband is pursuing an expensive aviation degree debt free. But we wanted the kids to be young enough (& we wanted to still be young enough) to take the kids with us when we travel. We want to internationally adopt in 3 years, and we plan on taking our son (& any more kids between now & then) with us. We operated as a couple before son came along. Now we’re operating as a fam. Love it.

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Joy January 13, 2016 - 7:08 pm

Well la Dee freakin dah!

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A Super Girl September 11, 2012 - 9:08 am

Yep, I’m with you, I’m mostly cool with the whole being pregnant thing, it’s the raising a child for 18+ years that I’m not sold on. Like you, I have some more travel I’d like to do and also I’m entirely too selfish. I really effing like my downtime and I’m not prepared to fully give that up for the next 20 some years.

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Jordann @ My Alternate Life September 11, 2012 - 8:43 am

I’m really young, so I’m not planning on having babies for another eight years or so, plenty of time to travel and upgrade my education. I have 14 nieces and nephews, so I’ve seen first hand just how much work kids are. I have no desire to bring that on any time soon, I’m like you, way too selfish!

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Jessica @ Budget For Health September 10, 2012 - 6:46 pm

I hear you on the wanting to stay selfish for awhile bit. Dave & I always up and leave for a weekend or even leave the apartment to go for a walk or workout. When we were doing our pre-marital counseling one of the questions we had to address was how soon we wanted to start trying. At first we said 2 years. Then our 1 year came (what feels like the next day) and we were like AHH maybe 4 more years! Some days I want a baby, some days I don’t.

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Kathleen @ Frugal Portland September 10, 2012 - 12:03 pm

Someday I want babies. For now, I would settle for being in the same town as my boyfriend!

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bogofdebt September 10, 2012 - 11:42 am

I don’t have babies yet and won’t be married until next June. Both of us want babies and think that a year after we are married would be a good time to start trying to have one. This way we get to be married and experience that fun before settling down.

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Kellie September 10, 2012 - 9:49 am

LOVE Prison Break!

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mrsplungedindebt September 10, 2012 - 8:47 am

Haha. This is great. I have a 12 week old, I’m almost 28, hubby 27. We’ve been together since highschool. 10 fun years sans kiddos together. I don’t think there is ever a perfect time for kids. We just sorta decided to stop not trying and bam! baby in belly. It happened way quicker than we expected but we’re thrilled. Life changed but not as much as I expected to be honest, and only for the better. Mine and hubby’s relationship got even better through bonding through the pregnancy and her birth. I thought I’d miss days like your Labour day but they stillhappen, just in a different way! Today is an especially rainy day here so I woke up, showered, cleaned baby and promptly got her in clean pj’s and I’m wearing my comfy clothes for the day. We’re going to hang out at home and not leave, play, i’ll blog when she naps and watch tv/movies during marathon nursing sessions. There really isn’t an age restriction on having kids, I have friends in their 30’s who intend on having kids just not now. Whenever you’re ready!! Just don’t be too scared it’s not all crying and sleeplessness. You do still have a life and I promise there will be plenty of not brushing your teeth until 4pm days πŸ˜‰

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Ashley September 10, 2012 - 4:38 am

Right there with you – literally all of our married friends have a baby – or two. We are both 28 and have talked about it quite a bit, but I have a few more trips I’d like to do. Being DINKS we have been able to go to Asia and Europe, and are currently planning a trip to Peru and the Mediterranean. We figure we can always have kids – our bodies can only take the abuse of long travel days for so long. (Actually this past summer we both noticed how much tougher traveling is becoming already when you have several long days!)

Best of luck in your decision.

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Babybluewater September 9, 2012 - 10:02 pm

I know exactly what you mean! Both my husband and I are 37 and have talked a bit about having children. We are not getting any younger, however, like you said, “the older I get, the more I want to wait.” I have promised myself that if I ever feel that “urge” I would go for it. Problem is, life is comfortable, we get to travel, we enjoy ourselves and for the life of me, I have not felt even the slightest urge!

It’s tough because I don’t want to be in my 40’s when I have my first child, but yet, I can not even imagine having one now. It would change everything for us and I have to be honest, that I don’t see it changing in a positive way.

I guess that means that I’m still figuring it out. Our day may come, it also may not. I think I’m going to be okay with it either way πŸ™‚ You’ll know when it’s right.

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MakintheBacon$ September 9, 2012 - 3:16 pm

Ummmm…I ‘m not even sure I want to have a baby. Is it bad I don’t get all goo goo ga ga around them? I kind of fake it. lol.

I feel bad because I don’t have that motherly instinct. I’m just entering the 30s zone and am focused on my career. Honestly, I am so busy right now with everything else, I can’t even imagine sacrificing my freedom, time and sleep for someone else. I’m pretty satisfied with my life. The bf is not so sure he wants kids either, so it kind of works out we’re on similar pages. We say we’ll start off with a cat and go from there. Ha Ha.

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Elizabeth @ Broke Professionals September 9, 2012 - 11:02 am

I love the questions you pose in your posts – and I love reading the responses from others!

So, I had my first baby (she’ll be 4 next week!!!) at 26.5 years old; we’d been married 3.5 years. I had my second (and **unplanned**) baby just after my 29th birthday, and just before our 6th anniversary. We are now DONE.

I love my kids and who they are, so I wouldn’t really change a thing about it, since I know that by delaying our decision to start a family by even another month would have meant my daughter wouldn’t really be the person she is (different DNA and all that). That said, I am always impressed by the couples who are able to really focus on their “couple time” together to do things like travel and get their finances totally in order (although, as others have said, you can NEVER be totally ready for a baby, neither financially nor emotionally). I respect ya. My urge to be responsible wasn’t strong enough to battle a very strong biological need to procreate in my case!

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Teacher Girl September 9, 2012 - 7:30 am

I think that having kids should be done when you’re ready, and only you and Eric know when that time is for you. I have WAY too many friends who rushed to have kids and kind of regret it. I mean they love their children and are good parents, but they tell me all the time how they wished they had waited. I let them comfort me when I get down about not being married or pregnant.

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Mom to 3 babies September 8, 2012 - 7:44 pm

We decided to wait until after about 3.5 yrs of marriage to start our family. I just turned 26 when we had our first, and 19 months later had our second and our 3rd at 30. Although it made for one wild ride with a point where we had 2 in diapers, pregnant while still nursing, YES! You can get pregnant while nursing…I did it twice, and many oh many sleepless night! I would not trade it for the world.

However, we waited to have our babies and in someways that was good. On the flip side of that…I can not remember for the LIFE OF ME what my life was like without the kids so, I am not even sure if any of that matters (the waiting). I do not think I am alone as I talk to many other parents who they themselves can not recall what we were doing before children. Sure we slept in, ate out, and in some ways a bit selfish. Its true, if you are going to be a good parent – those things do not exist! I repeat DO NOT EXIST!

Our children are now 15.5, 14, and 11 years old. Our boys are in High School (Sophomore and Freshman) and our daughter just started Middle School and I am 42. Not too bad as I see it πŸ™‚ Teenagers unlike new babies and toddlers do like to sleep so finally, we can sleep in a bit here and there….however, my enjoyment now comes not from sleeping in on a Saturday, but enjoying a cup of coffee in silence and allowing them to sleep as much as possible while I enjoy the morning getting things done with less interruption πŸ™‚ We do eat out from time to time which is nice. They are well behaved but only one can order from the kids menu…the other 2 can out eat their dad!

There is no magic age when to start YOUR family. When the time is right you both will know.

Good luck and enjoy. Becoming a parent is a life changing event; one that is well worth every second of that wild ride πŸ™‚

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Canadianbudgetbinder September 8, 2012 - 11:17 am

We are in our mid-thirties where Mrs.CBB is older than I am πŸ˜‰ and want a child. We have just saved enough to pay off our mortgage as of August (although we still haven’t) but money was our main driving force. We also got married when we just turned 30 ish. If we are blessed with a child so be it but Mrs.CBB is not getting any younger so the time is now or never. If not then life goes on. Everyone has a perfect time but holding out for the perfect financial time will never come or it will come too late. Lots to think about. Mr.CBB

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Rob September 8, 2012 - 7:27 am

Don’t let people pressure you into having kids, not everyone is cutout to be parents. Going on 30 years marriage and never (or almost) regretted not having children. Be the best aunt or uncle you can and trust me you will greatly impact thier lives.

And yes it’s tough in the early years but over time the pressure passes.

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SusieQ September 9, 2012 - 2:34 pm

I agree with Rob – it’s a VERY big & serious decision. – I spent a LOT of time with babies/young kids when I was a pre-teen/teen growing up – lots of babysitting – sometimes all day. I truly realized how much WORK and PATIENCE having a baby was – – YES, just from doing so much babysitting. I can honestly say I never had the “baby bug” – not that I don’t like kids – I do (and I’m one of 8 children!) – but I just never had that undying urge to have children. I didn’t get married till I was 36, and my husband is 10 years older. Hell, we were closer to retirement than child-bearing age!! But we decided not to have kids. I have to say – we have never had any regrets – we do get our kid-fix – we “borrow” them (my nieces/nephews), spoil them rotten, have LOADS of FUN with them, then send them home (they cry when their parents show up – they never want to leave our house!)!! We are very close with them and very entwined in their lives – they are like the kids we never had (but we don’t have to lose any sleep over them!! ha ha). I truly love our life – we just took early retirement, we travel, are financially set for life, and we know the kids will be in our life forever. We take them on vacation with us, have slumber parties with them, my husband takes my nephew camping with his boy scout troupe! We just love them to pieces! I even get asked all the time to bake my famous cut-out cookies for them when they need cookies for school! Everyone calls me Aunt Susie! But seriously, you have to go with what’s best for you – having children because everyone else is is NOT a good reason to have them. You have to REALLY want them – be willing to put them and their needs before your own, and this is for the next 18 years. There is a NO RETURN policy on them.

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Arlea September 10, 2012 - 11:44 am

Speaking as a new mom here, people like “Aunt Susie” are invaluable! Kids are so much work and aunts, uncles, grandparents who want to step in an help out are awesome! If you and Eric decide to never have kids, totally be a great Aunt and Uncle. πŸ™‚ My coolest Aunt and Uncle never had kids and they were so fun to hang out with!

My husband and I were married almost 7 years and took like 10 vacations before we had kids. However, I knew I wanted to have kids before I actually committed. If you are not sure, there’s no need to have them. Although, I must say, it’s always a little sad to me when people like yourself do not have children. Here’s why, all the unclassy, unfit people of the world always seems to have a crap load of kids and they seem to do very little to make sure those kids are productive members of society. Whereas, smart, classier people seem to procreate with less frequency. It’s a shame. πŸ™‚ There may be a correlation there, but since I am educated and still chose to have children, I’m not going to go there. haha!

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Vanessa September 8, 2012 - 7:09 am

No kidding – we’re surrounded by baby fever all around here as well! My husband and I are both 30, and have been married a little over 6 months (together close to three and friends close to five).
For the last two years we’ve had the attitude that if it happened by accident, we’d be “ready” but we’ve also not yet been “ready” to make that a calculated accident.
My husband is less hesitant than I am, but with the birth of our godson last month I’ve been listening to podcasts and reading articles online… I think part of this is to better understand what my best friend is going through now that her son is here, but the other part is that I’m getting closer. I recently asked a group of mothers how you know when you’re ready and the consensus seems to be that you aren’t. Ever. Even if you think you are, you’re not. Comforting, no?
I don’t want to track my period obsessively and base my whole self concept on if I get pregnant or not from month to month; I’m well aware of how many people struggle to have children and I don’t expect it to happen just because I am a young and healthy woman. That said, I just want to free-fall into it if it does happen. I’m in the plane and we’re climbing in altitude – the big thing right now is just deciding when to jump.

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Brittany September 8, 2012 - 6:55 am

My guy is 30 and I’m 29 and we’ve decided kids aren’t for us. I totally freaking LOVE kids and I have some friends’ kids that I consider my nieces and nephews, but having a little person around 24/7 would irritate the crap out of me. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with what you’re calling selfish. Can you imagine if everyone had kids? The world would be even MORE overrun with people. I like to think of it as my not having kids is my part in balancing out people like the Duggars. ;o)

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Leah @ The Miracle Journal September 10, 2012 - 5:03 am

Amen to that! πŸ™‚

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Lizzy September 8, 2012 - 2:19 am

I think more and more people are waiting until their early 30’s to have babies these days. I had my son when I was 19, and I feel like I missed out on a lot, but I wouldn’t trade him for the world. The way I see it is I can raise him and travel around the world when I turn 37, because he will be 18 and out of the house. I have read some articles recently that a lot of people, even when they are ready, aren’t really ready at all. I think you should take your trips next year and work on making a baby then!

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Michelle September 7, 2012 - 8:49 pm

I want to wait until I’m in my early 30s. Most people think I’m crazy but I think that’s the perfect age for us!

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CeCe @Frugalista Married September 7, 2012 - 4:18 pm

So True! Everybody is having baby’s in blog land and real life. Frankly, I’m starting to get annoyed! But that’s just me and it’s because we already decided not to have kids so it’s annoying to see everyone all ga ga over it. I’m too tired to have kids! I’m selfish in that I do value my free time and spare cash to do exactly what I want with. When the time is right, or not right as it were since everyone says there is no right time, then you’ll be ready to go for it.

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Bijee September 7, 2012 - 3:37 pm

I am 30 hubby is 31, we are 29 weeks pregnant with my second and his first. I recently finished my masters and started my career my hubby had been working in his career for like 7 years. He has minor student loans that can be paid off in like 3 years mine will take a lifetime so we’d never have a kid if it depended on that. My daughter is 9 which is way longerthan i wanted to wait but i had her and was a single mom. We are comfortable in a good place, I’m more scared having this baby in a better position that i was with my daughter. There is never a good time, and i realized God was in control. When i tried i didn’t get pregnant i stopped trying and went to get on birth control and guess who was preggers? I hope you ladies all figure it out. Parenting is challenging and rewarding but we still live we do all kinds of things still and it gives life a whole new meaning.

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Mysti September 7, 2012 - 1:40 pm

I was 27 when our kids were born…hubby was going on 31. I wish we would have done more traveling and such before we had them….but the time was right for us.

I had just finished graduate school. We had bought our house. At that time…our major debt was my student loans, and one other loan we took out for the closing costs on the house. Oh, and our fertility bill!!!

you will know when the time is right…and it isn’t based on anyone but you guys. When you look at all those babies and just can’t imagine NOT having one……then you will know.

And while I would like to say everyone is your slave for 9 months…..it didn’t work that way in my world!

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Alice @ EarningMyTwoCents September 7, 2012 - 12:50 pm

I’m 28 and my husband is 32. We have been married almost 2 years, together for 10. I just finished grad school and have a good career track, but he’s still finishing his undergrad degree (military first, then work, now school) as a full time student. Then he wants his MA. So with him full time studying, I am hesitant to get preggo before he’s financially able to support us in case I cannot work, am on bed rest, etc and we need income while I take maternity leave. So, it’s a no- go now. I’m not stressing about it and though I would love to have kids, I don’t think we are there yet. We still have a lot of growing and maturing to do and trips to Europe we haven’t taken. My parents had their first kid when they were 35, last at 40 (they’re the same age) so they aren’t pressuring us but boy, all our friends are having babies all the time and we are asked when we are having kids all the time.

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Army Amy* September 7, 2012 - 12:25 pm

I’m on a military post and EVERYONE here either has kids or is preggo. I’m sans kids and in the teeny tiny minority. I want to save more before we go down that road. My BFF (who has a 5 month old said, ” there’s no perfect time to have a baby.” True, but there are better times and worse times. I’m waiting for a better time.*

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Mo' Money Mo' Houses September 7, 2012 - 12:07 pm

I definitely want a family but I love not having to change diapers all the time. I’m thinking about 33 or 34 for kids? But even that sort of seems too soon. I just really love living with my BF and just being us, and having the freedom to do whatever we want and travel for as long as we want.

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Kim September 7, 2012 - 12:07 pm

I’m right there with you! I know 8, EIGHT, people that are due within 6 weeks of each other. All my age, most of them recently married like us. My husband and I are both 27, been married for 1 1/2 years and together 5. I can feel myself moving closer to the baby train, while I think he’s running in the other direction, I’m right their with him some days too!!! We too are very selfish right now and just want “us” time. We are very close to our families, both physically and emotionally and we love just picking up and visiting them whenever we can, not that you can’t do that with a baby, but… Also we have a trip planned for next summer with a group of friends to the Dominican Republic and because of this I’m not even entertaining the idea of trying for a baby. Plus we just bought our second home and are still trying to sell our first so I’m right there with you on financially ready too. AND I’m on the quest, yet again, to finally lose 30lbs before I get pregnant. I want to have a healthy pregnancy and not feel like a whale before or after… definitely selfish!!! THANK YOU for posting this, I felt like I was the only one thinking I was the only one missing the baby train, even thought I know we just aren’t ready!!!

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ALS September 7, 2012 - 11:51 am

I totally hear you on this! Everyone around me is having babies too! My H is 30 and I’m 29, and when I was 20 I totally thought I would have already had at least one kid now. We’ve been married for a year and a half, and we have a lot of pros and cons going on right now about having a baby. Pro-we know we want to be parents and are excited about the opportunity. Con-I’m starting a new job soon, and well, I don’t know how well it would go over if I up and got pregnant right away. We recently made a decision that we wouldn’t start trying until next fall. I’m still very anxious about it because the whole “being selfish” factor. I can’t even tell you how happy it makes me when I can meet a friend after work for a quick drink to catch up, or when we decide to go to a baseball game in the middle of the week. I’m also anxious because what if we wait too long and we have difficulties conceiving (I realize there are options, but still) I will say, and this might speak to your point about being more financially stable, numerous people tell me there’s never a right time to have kids. They are just expensive and you make it work somehow.

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Emily September 7, 2012 - 11:21 am

We get the question all the time, especially since we bought our house. We’re just about hitting our 1st wedding anniversary. He’s 31 and I’m 28 so people seem to think the time is now. I want to work elsewhere (aka, where I’ll travel less) and we both want to travel for fun more. We love driving weekend getaways but feel like those are trips that’ll still be do-able with a baby in tow. I want us to get to Vegas, Quebec, and Europe again before kids are around. The pup is our baby right now.

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jobo September 7, 2012 - 10:54 am

um, hi, same here and I’m like 5 years older than you! (eek!). You’re ready when you’re ready, age or not. that’s my thing at least πŸ˜‰

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Remy @MLISunderstanding September 7, 2012 - 10:38 am

28 here (both of us), upcoming wedding in 6 weeks. I definitely want to raise children with my partner, and we’ve been talking about it for a couple of years. The current plan is to have about a year of newlywed time and get some of those wily ducks in a row (I finish my Master’s and get a full-time job in the new profession; she pays off a small amount of debt; we make sure to have a comfortable emergency fund and are both covered by insurance), and then we start pre-adoption paperwork, etc. the year I turn 30. The general rule of thumb, I’m told, is that the type of adoption we’re pursuing averages about 2 years until placement. We’d like more than one child, but the exact timing of the second will depend on a number of factors, including how long the first adoption took, our finances at the time, and how we adjust to a new member of the family and feel comfortable adding a second or third.

My parents were 34 when I was born, and 38 for my little sister; I don’t really think of them as “older parents”, but their life script is different from a lot of people’s because of that timing. I don’t think I want to be any older than that, even though the considerations of age as related to pregnancy don’t carry the same weight with my circumstances.

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Jessi September 7, 2012 - 10:23 am

My husband and I have been married almost 8 years. I am 30, he is 31. We don’t have kids yet, and are perfectly happy with that decision for now.

We might re-evaluate in 2 years (after a trip of a lifetime vacation we have planned). After that, I’ve decided to give myself until 36. If we don’t have kids then, we are going to take some sort of step so I don’t have to take birth control for the rest of my life. I know women have babies through their 40s now, but for me, it seems like too much of a health risk (both me, and baby)

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Jen September 7, 2012 - 10:21 am

My husband and I are 31 and we are probably another 1-2 years away from starting to try. We really, really enjoy our freedom and the ability to kind of be selfish right now. In addition to that, we both would like to be healthier and figure out if our careers are really right for us or if we’d like to switch. Luckily for us, our closest friends don’t have kids yet either and we have 9 nieces/nephews to spoil πŸ˜‰

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Shaba September 7, 2012 - 10:18 am

I don’t know what I want from day to day.
I’m 26, my husband is 27. We’ve been married for just over 2 years. Everyone I know is having babies, in fact, our pool of friends who aren’t parents or soon-to-be parents is shrinking by the month. Some days I’m beyond frustrated that we’re not there yet. We’re homebodies. Our lifestyle won’t undergo major changes. We’re not getting any younger. I’ve been fighting baby fever for a year off and on-lately it’s been more on than off.

On the other hand, we could be a little more financially stable. There’s some stuff we need to do to the house (and really, we’d both rather sell and/or move closer to family). I do love sleeping through the night. I would like to travel a little more, but I don’t know how financially possible that will be either. I really want to buy expensive shoes. It’s nice to have a few years of just us time, though I do feel kinda bored by our humdrum existance a lot of the time.

I don’t know. We’re sorta planning on next year, but I’m not sure I’ll still be employed and then I’ll definitely not be ready, but sometimes I feel like it’s either now or never. That’s the biggest issue I have with waiting. I don’t want to be an old mom. I don’t want to have teenagers in my sixties. If we have kids I don’t want to have an only child, but I don’t want to have them closer together than 3 years. I want to be done by the time I’m 35 and things start getting really risky. That leaves a pretty thin window of opportunity.

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Mrs. Pop @ Planting Our Pennies September 7, 2012 - 10:10 am

We’re about the same age and have been married for 3 years and are in no rush for kids. When friends ask, we tell them we both have two-seater cars and we want to keep them for a while yet. And when family asks, we tell them that every question like that adds another year to when we’ll start considering it!

I don’t think it’s selfish at all to not want to bring kids into a situation where you might not feel fulfilled – you could end up resenting them a little for it and that wouldn’t be a good situation either!

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SavvyFinancialLatina September 7, 2012 - 10:02 am

I’m totally with you. So not ready to have babies. I’m hispanic, so the moment we got married, everybody started asking us when we were going to start our family. Umm…hell never! I don’t even want a dog. I’m so not done being selfish with my time. I see how parents run around their kids and do not want to be one of those people…no offense. My mom also had me very young and she reminds every time she gets how much she sacrificed including her youth. Although I appreciate it, I don’t want to have kids only to remind them constantly the sacrifices made. Umm…procreation is an adult decision. Kids don’t choose. So be ready for them.

My target age for kids is 38. My hubby thinks early 30s….hoping I can convince him otherwise when we hit our early 30s.

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Laura September 7, 2012 - 9:53 am

I’m almost 29 weeks pregnant and we’ve been married a little over 1.5 years–I’m 28 and my husband is 32. A lot of our decision was based on finances–my husband has been in his career for a long time now, he’s in a good place and doing well. We’re okay financally. I’m still fairly early on in my career, but I want to work part time for a few years (the mommy track, I guess) and it will affect me less if I do it now rather than waiting a few more years until I’m at a higher level. We’ve travelled a LOT, and are ready to make a few scarifices. We’re also mentally ready to have a baby, so we just went for it.

Are we scared and nervous about the emotional and financial impacts? Sure. But we KNOW we can handle at this time in our lives so it’s not that stressful.

P.S. I still have yet to have weird cravings in the middle of the night haha.

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newlywedsonabudget September 7, 2012 - 10:07 am

See it seems like you guys are a few years ahead of us. I feel like I would be a lot more prepared had we not had to sacrifice so much these first two years of marriage. If we were both financially set and well-traveled, I would be inclined to start earlier.

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Shellie September 7, 2012 - 9:50 am

I’m 26. Hubby is 27. Married 1 year, together for 7. I’m with you- no bueno on the babies (I even had an IUD put in a few days ago. TMI?)
I think you summed it up perfectly- We’re not done being selfish. I think about that every time I take a nap on the weekend. How glorious it is that I can just do that whenever I want. The most planning we have to do for leaving town is finding a dog sitter.
I wonder sometimes if we will wait to long, but really-I don’t want to have kids “just in case”. When we are filled with the overwhelming urge to procreate it will happen. Maybe e never will get that urge-who knows! But I think its most important to not do it just because society says you are supposed to. 30 is not the cut-off for baby making these days!

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